Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Beyond My Wildest Dreams now on Kindle

Cover image for an important book

Kim Carlsberg published a memoir of her experiences in 1995, the book is titled Beyond My Wildest Dreams. After being out of print for nearly two decades, it's now available again as an e-book on Kindle. The illustrations were done by Darryl Anka, the channel for Bashar.

This is one of the very first accounts where a woman speaks openly about the hybridization program within the UFO abduction phenomenon. This book is a testament to her courage, and it is just as important now as it was when it first came out, now 21 years ago. I applaud Kim's bravery and dedication!

  Kindle version available HERE  

We spoke together in a wonderful interview back in 2011. That conversation is linked below, and HERE.

And—this post was done, without knowing, on Kim's Birthday! 

Note to readers:
I have been posting low cost books here on this site. Some real gems have been unavailable and out of print for decades, But they are now showing up as eBooks. Many are required reading.


John Burke said...

I read it back in the day -- seemed like before 1995 but I guess it must have been. This is a really good book. Kim described seeing a woman punch an alien in the head and kill it. PJ Gaenir described that same situation in her online book, Bewilderness -- although PJ was the one who slugged the alien. I wrote to Kim suggesting that she talk to PJ about it, although I never heard back from her. Last time I had contact with Palyne (PJ) she had not talked to Kim, nor had she read this book -- but that was years ago. Kim could have witnessed Palyne's experience.

I have since wondered whether aliens set up a scenario where you are tested to see whether you are willing to beat a gray to death, just to get a read on your character or your hostility toward them.

How many people have seen grays get slugged or have had the experience of doing so?

Mike Clelland! said...


This is fascinating. It would be worth some follow up to figure out if these two accounts are one and the same.


PJ said...

Boy it is weird what you find by accident in search engines!

I am PJ (Palyne). (Hi John! Wow! Long time!)

In that experience, which is part of Chapter 4 of Bewilderness here firedocs.com/bewilderness/bw_ch_04.cfm (I'm going to put a slightly improved version of that on Kindle before long), I said:

Then she tells me that it's time for me to go. I realize she means into the blue gel, and based on the guys in it I assume it will kill me. She's clearly sad about it, but hell, that doesn't mean it was ok with me if she wanted to kill me! Despite my request for death, I hadn't really expected it, and when faced with the prospect I found myself as unwilling as ever.

I liked her very much, and I had a real affection for her, anchored by her empathy and my loneliness. But in panic I suppressed it, and while she wasn't expecting it, I bashed her in the neck with my elbow, jumped off the bed thing and grabbed her, and used this "thing" she had like a belt to tie her to the bed with. She seemed very fragile, I was really surprised at how easy she was to best, and had the feeling I was seriously injuring her. I tried to squash my emotions, which rose to defend her from me. I was horribly ambivalent, and felt as if I were injuring an innocent child or something; it felt as if her bones were fragile and actually broke wherever I hit her... like she would have serious internal injuries. I felt sick at hurting her, my stomach rolled and fought me, but my survival skills stomped on it and helped separate me from the emotion.

from 'Bewilderness' Chapter 4 by PJ Gaenir

I don't think she actually died. Though I don't really know.

But I found a weird sort of sync many years later, when I finally got around to reading Karla Turner's "Into the Fringe" book. And I might add, it turns out hers actually came first. Which was a little embarrassing because seriously, in the intro, I'm sure I would have said something a little diff if I'd known -- we clearly shared a perspective even though my experiences were spontaneous, hers were seemingly via hypnotic recall, and maybe more importantly, the things she described that I related to did not happen to HER, they happened to someone NEAR her (spontaneously). I did a brief review of those few little syncs between my experience and what I saw in that book on an old blog, here palyne.com/blog.redcairo/into-the-fringe/ but one of them was something we can retrospectively consider a grey wearing something akin to 'a belt' for lack of a better word.

Anyway! I felt very guilty about that event later. The fragiles, as I called them at the time, did not seem bad to me at least in that experience. She was 'the warden' in my captivity but it wasn't personal.

I might add that 20 years later, I have a rather different perspective on most of that experience. I'm writing a fiction novel that sort of gives me closer on it, by putting things into another model.

PJ (palyne.com for my contact form)

PJ said...

Closure. Here's hoping I can blame the aliens for my spelling.

John Burke said...

How about THAT!

Thanks, PJ! It was great hearing from you again! Thanks for the explanation of that event.

I'm looking forward to the novel. Sounds great!

-- John

Mike Clelland! said...

Reply to John and PJ,

This is amazing stuff. Glad you two connected here, Question for PJ, did you ever read Kim's account?

Mike C

PJ said...

Naw. Even after all this time I've had difficulty getting myself to read much.

I eventually read Vallee's books, Mack's book, and one of Jacobs's books. Turner's book I read in PDF couple years ago as noted in the blog post. Not sure what else -- I did read 'Alien Identities' by Thompson I thought was brilliant, I kept that one, and it's possible I've read a few others over the years since.

But the psychology of it was part of my problem: I was a skeptic walking in, and even after I was having these experiences and discovering (to my continuing agog astonishment) that OTHER people had the same bizarre stuff going on ("maybe it's a group dream not limited by time" I said in Bewilderness), I still had a negative opinion about "anybody going on about stupid sh*t like aliens." Yes, even though I was one of them. I didn't say it was rational. It's just that my perspective didn't change much for a long time.

I was always convinced that somehow, I was probably unintentionally making it up. Maybe someone on a plane speaking Etruscan when I was 7 told a story where... you get the idea, I was looking for a way out. I had enough issue validating myself. If I ran into stuff after I'd experienced it, I could validate myself a bit. But if I ran into it before I experienced it, I would assume I must have made it up on some level. So I was afraid to read stuff, lest it influence me, and wreck my own validation. I already thought I was crazy.

Which happened -- I only read one book back in that timeframe, 'Secret Life,' and sure enough, if I had an experience and I'd read something like that first, I considered the whole thing BS on some level, didn't trust myself at all. And I thought that author was paranoid as hell. But two of his subjects used the *same words* I had in my journaling for something ("blue jello" and "vaguely asian" -- come on, the latter wording can't be that common) which astonished me. And described something I often had. But then I didn't know what to believe about my own memory, versus the way it was with his people, and I was mad at myself for ever reading it. It was years before I got to most the others.

I don't trust hypnotic recall very well, I was a hypnotist for a long time so it's not that I don't take it seriously, it's that I think it's profoundly subject to therapist influence even nonverbally.


Mike Clelland! said...

Well said, and you've described my own traumas and denial as I tried to make sense of some VERY weird stuff in my life.

I am skeptical, but i absolutely KNOW something is happening. What it might be, and its source, I have no idea.

Mike C!

Daniel Sparks said...

One of my earliest recollections I was 6 or 7 I was on an exam table and kicked one of them in the face. I remember my mom scolding me for it. I was arguing that it wasn't a doctor it was a monster she replied that it didn't matter that's not how we treat people. Still don't feel bad