Saturday, September 17, 2011

anti-psychotic medication

I’ve been pretty darned open on this blog about my life and my history of clinical depression. It’s been a challenge and it’s had an impact on my life.

Earlier this week I spent some time at a therapist’s office, it was my second visit to her. I have been looking to find some sort of counseling as a way to better understand my re-occurring bouts of depression.

During my first visit I was perfectly honest with this woman. I asked her how open minded she was, and then I told her about my memories and odd life experiences and how they seem intertwined with UFO related events. The implication might be that I was involved in some sort of on-going alien abduction experiences.

Just a few days ago, during our second session she asked me if I had ever considered taking anti-psychotic medication as a way to deal with my ideas about alien abduction.

Hearing that, my heart sort of sank. I explained that I didn’t feel that was in any way necessary. On one level I guess it’s fair for her to be ignorant of the subtle (and not so subtle) details of this confusing phenomenon. On another level, it felt so bleak that she would talk to me for only an hour, and come to the conclusion that I might be suffering from a of psychotic malady that might require medication.

I’ve spent the last five years (if not longer) trying to make sense of my experiences. The only conclusion I’ve reached is that something has happened. This elusive something seems to involve UFOs, synchronicities and a deep compulsion to know more.

Please note: I’m probably gunna delete this post in a few days. I know there are folks who follow this blog, and this bit of personal “gushing” might be of some value.


TEXT added Nov. 27th 2011
I deleted this post a few days after I originally posted it. I'm adding it back into the blog now, because I figure it'll be buried within all the other posts. If anyone reads it here, it's a very real (although bleak) part of my overall experience.


Onagadori said...

I have read your blog for a while now and enjoy it. I sympathize with your experiences. I would strongly suggest you read Jed McKenna's three books on the spiritual enlightenment process. His website is
His books are very revelatory and his take on depression is extraordinary. Please take a look.

Lesley said...

Don't delete the post. I think it is good and will probably be helpful to people who might google about a similar situation.

Anonymous said...

The medical profession never understands sensitive people in the light they should be considered. For someone close to me, antipsychotics are a must, but if your life is rich most of the time, don't listen to those who would douse your creative spirit.

I've never been of the opinion that your experiences are ufo related though I'm reluctant to label them as much as I am my own. But they are a valuable part of who you are right now and to whom you will become.

I know how difficult it is to deal with depression and I wish I had answers for you, Mike. But you often seem so content to wonder. That's a gift. I see you as someone with many gifts.

Something IS happening. If it feels good, let it happen. If it begins to feel not good, let it go.

I always enjoy your take on things and it seems I'm not alone.

Christopher Butler said...

That's a distressing post, Mike. As you say, its not hard to understand her point of view. But you and I both know how difficult it is to understand our point of view.

Do you happen to be on Google+?

Red Pill Junkie said...

You should ask yourself the questions:

Do I need a pill in order to have meaningful relationships with other human beings?

Do I need a pill in order to enjoy the little pleasures I can find in my daily routine?

Do I need a pill in order to differentiate consensual reality from the subtle 'in-between' stuff that is highly symbolical and subjective, but nevertheless equally meaningful and important?

Do I need a pill in order to understand who I am, and what I need to become?

Since I believe the answer to all those question is a resounding 'NO', then I suggest you seek a second opinion ;)

Besides, how is a pill going to scare away all those owls crossing your path, Mike? Maybe you should try switching to a different after-shave instead ^_^

Red Pill Junkie said...

PS: Think about the fact that most of your high-strangeness episodes have been with another witness: in 74 with your buddy Mike, with Natasha, with that other woman when you saw the owls...

Wot, are you gonna ask them to take the pill as well? ;)

Michael D said...

I am far from an expert on any of this, but if you believe that your depression is in some way related to a real situation, not some internal chemical imbalance, perhaps you should try some hypnosis therapy with a sympathetic hypnotist, and try to dig out the infected splinter in your mind rather than just medicating around it.

It sounds like you need a different therapist.

Arvin Hill said...

Mike, I'm sorry to hear about your depression.

Your story illustrates a very serious problem with far reaching implications and potentially devastating consequences.

Such are the perils of scientific fundamentalism, which, one way or another, gets shoved down our throats - literally, for some.

But while the institutions of medical science lag far behind - because that's what institutions do - there are individual physicians capable of appreciating, to various degrees, exceptional human experience.

I was surprised to find my board-certified internal medicine physician very interested in my contact experiences, even going so far as to share with me an experience. Granted, this is a doctor I've known for many years, so we enjoy a level of mutual trust and candor.

I see transpersonal psychology as spanning scientific and spiritual disciplines. If I needed a physician whose views didn't comport with the standard institutional denials, I would be tempted to start there - with a psychologist of the transpersonal variety - because they might be more likely to be aware of physicians with an understanding of your situation. The downside is that it's potentially very time-consuming and expensive.

I'll risk taking a beating for mentioning self-medication, but, frankly, until the American Medical Association takes off the blinders, online pharmacies provide a better alternative than going without treatment altogether. This is especially true if you have enough experience with antidepressant therapy to know what Rx's you found effective in the past. Obviously, self-medicating places a tremendous responsibility on the patient insofar as reading, understanding and heeding the product literature. Online pharmacies proliferate.

The ideal resolution is going to be finding a medical professional you can trust - but, in the interim, do whatever you need to do to keep moving forward.