Tuesday, June 30, 2009

dialogue with "John Smith"

I’ve been in contact with five people. I’ve met all of them within the last year. All are between 46 and 48. Each have some odd life experiences, and some are, well - VERY odd. 

Of the people I’ve met, one goes by the name "John Smith." He is a materials scientist using a pseudonym to protect his identity at his work place. He had been having ongoing strange experiences that he's feels are some kind of program of alien abduction.

About John, a little over a year ago he found a small painful lump in his toe. He had conscious memories of a team of small gray aliens implanting the tiny object. He went to a podiatrist and requested an x-ray and asking for an opinion as to how to proceed. The person he went to was Dr. Roger Leir, who has been researching these extremely strange items for over a decade.

The object was eventually surgically removed with Dr. Leir assisting in the operating room. The tiny object was examined and the results were utterly bizarre. The lab report came back stating that the item was “meteoric” and upon closer examination, it was shown to contain carbon nano-tubes. 

John Smith is a scientist involved in the study and development of carbon nano-tubes.

These implants are a very strange part of an already very strange phenomenon. These are treated as quite dubious by a lot of researchers. I cannot even attempt to prove or disprove the conclusions of Dr. Leir. If his research is to be taken as genuinely legitimate, then we are dealing with a very strange mystery.

          *       *       * 

Just a few days ago, I was replying to an email from “John Smith” and while I was typing my cell phone rang. I answered, and it was him. I was working at an office, and I went outside so I wouldn’t need to worry about being guarded while talking in a room with other people.

I stood in the parking lot, and we talked for almost an hour.

He was articulating stuff that I feel at a deep level. He was just saying it out-loud, in a matter of fact tone.

I can’t do what he does, just SAY stuff. Instead, I’ll wrap any statement I make with words like “maybe” and “perhaps.” I just don’t trust myself enough to blurt out what I’m feeling. I don’t believe it in any kind of logical way, so I can’t say it.

He gently chided me on that, and said, if you know it’s so you really need to declare that, you are doing yourself a disservice by avoiding your truth. Easier said than done, for me anyway.

John makes some claims that are extremely challenging for me to believe, but - at some level - I find it’s the same thing I’m feeling. This is hard to articulate.

John and I met in person at a recent UFO conference. We had a few very intense conversations. We re-met in May through an on-line chat forum on Whitley Strieber's DREAMLAND web-site. After that we shared a bunch of emails, and I’ve assembled some of that dialog below. I’ve done a minimal amount of editing, mostly I’ve deleted anything too personal, and rearranged the order for clarity.

Mike C wrote: We met and talked at the UFO conference in Nevada in February. I’ve had a strange bit of weirdness, I've been meeting people our age (you and I are almost exactly the same age) with UFO experiences - AND - taking part in a documentary - AND - a history of depression.

John Smith replied: Hi Mike, I remember you! I'm glad you are getting your story out. I m not surprised we are the same age. There was a large "crop" of people like us in the early '60s, apparently.

Mike: When I came home from the conference in Nevada, I was in a state of deep anxiety. a weird (and unexplainable) compulsion (yes, that's the right word) to come forward with my story. I felt compelled to do something, it felt important (hard to articulate these feelings). And, like two days after getting home to Idaho - I started a BLOG where I share my experiences and memories.

John: Glad you started a Blog. That sort of thing is what the aliens want us to do these days. Yes, the main goal is the dissemination of the knowledge of the presence of extraterrestrials on Earth. They want publicity.

Mike: You spoke about a "crop" of people born in the 1960's, the implication is that there is a program (run by "them") of genetic alterations, that started back then. I've met a series of folks (you included) that seem to fit that "crop" and the checklist of similar life experiences is TOO much to be mere coincidence.

John: Yes, I have too. I seem to feel a connection to everyone I meet who is a fellow member. I think it is important that we help each other.

Mike: I've met a series of folks (you included) that seem to fit that "crop" and the checklist of similar life experiences is TOO much to be mere coincidence.

John: Yes, I have too. I seem to feel a connection to everyone I meet who is a fellow member. I think it is important that we help each other.

(a DREAMLAND forum member asks) John, what is the vintage of this "crop" that you and Mike are talking about?

John: 1955-1965

Mike: Have you met a bunch of these folks (this "crop")? Are you finding any kinship?

John: Yes, definitely. I felt a bond with you, and with all of the other people in the "crop". In my opinion, we have been genetically altered by the aliens. I have some proof of this from my own experiences

Mike: What are your thoughts about this "crop" that seems to be emerging - right now.

John: Our crop seemed to have the function of shaking up human society with unconventional ideas, and to change the fossilized status quo. We are (mostly) highly intelligent, creative, somewhat psychic, suspicious of authority, attracted to unconventional pursuits, and have a somewhat rebellious nature.

         (Okay, it sure feels like he’s describing me)

Mike: Recently, I had a conversation with another fellow that seems to match this crop, and he and I pondered how similar our stories were. He’s been very vocal about his experiences, and he’s been sharing them publicly.

He said, (and I'm paraphrasing from memory) "My girlfriend asks me what I want out of this, what do I want back from sharing these stories. It's not that I expect anything back, I feel like I have no control about coming forward - I simply HAVE to do it."

John: We are told, telepathically, to do it by them. It is a compulsion, put into our minds.

Mike: That is EXACTLY how I feel! And I don't understand why.

         (This is the heart of my quandary. I worry about my sanity because of this oppressive feeling)

John: As I said, they want publicity, at this stage of their agenda.

Mike: There are enormous stresses with this stuff, true enough. But, at the same time, I think society is evolving in a way that speaking about these issues is not as "marginalizing" as it might have been a decade ago.

John: Yes, I think you're right. The more intelligent people among us are starting to accept this.

Mike: That said, it can still be VERY challenging.

John: Yes. There is still the potential for career and relationship damage, ridicule, and ... harassment if one speaks publicly about this subject. It is political dynamite.

Mike: After starting the BLOG, the weirdness MULTIPLIED. I'm not kidding, it's like the internet is a giant amplifier of synchronicities.

John: I agree. What kind of weirdness have you experienced? That synchronicity thing is alien involvement, all the way.

Mike: Huge thanks for being open with this stuff. As silly as it sounds, my sanity may depend on it. It feels important to share this stuff.

You speak of your experiences with a vast amount of insight, and knowledge. It goes way beyond simply saying: "I have some faint memories." (and that's where I'm at, just some fuzzy memories)

John: Thanks, I still need to remember a lot more, consciously, though. I began to get more conscious memories after starting hypnosis sessions. Have you tried it yet? I get a lot of unconscious memories, though, where I know I know things about the aliens and the phenomenon, and stuff that they have taught me, but often do not have conscious memories to go with the knowledge.

I have attempted hypnosis with four different hypnotherapists, and nothing has emerged. Mostly, I feel utterly blocked. I feel like the DVD player when the image gets frozen and I can't use the clicker to get past that one frame (in particular dealing with the ORANGE FLASH story).

John: You probably know some things they do not want talked about yet. I am mostly blocked from conscious memories, but not completely. If you ever do remember anything, don't be surprised if some of it disturbs you at first.

(a DREAMLAND forum member asks) Do abductees have higher rates of depression?

John: Yes, definitely. It causes all kinds of personal problems when you have a secret life, so totally unlike your normal one, which you only remember bits and pieces of.

Whitley Strieber replies to the same question: [About abductees having higher rates of depression] They almost have to. I know that, by about 1993, I was very seriously contemplating suicide, not because of the abductions but because of the way society had responded, calling me a liar, laughing at me, etc.

Mike: The depression aspect of this phenomenon is a very real pattern (from my anecdotal observations, and personally). Have you dealt with any depression in your life? I'm genuinely curious.

John: Yes. I used to get depressed a lot, but not recently. I'm having a lot of fun these days.

(The DREAMLAND forum administrator asks) It strikes me that if they wanted implant information to come to light, they could do it totally anonymously via various methods. So I wonder if the exposure of the implant technology isn't the real goal, but rather trying to goad us to questioning who created them, what they are doing, or just the very existence of extra terrestrial life. Otherwise it would seem a pretty cumbersome way to convey technical knowledge. Thoughts?

Whitley Strieber replies: Their whole presence here seems, at least in part, to be about forcing us to face questions that we cannot bear and cannot answer. Burning questions that can't be put out! This greatly exercises the mind, for one thing.

Mike: Question to Whitley: I can't help but think (feel?) that the events surrounding "John" and his implant, you and Dr. Leir - were all somehow orchestrated. I mean, he sees a doctor about an implant in his foot, and Dr. Lear is a podiatrist doing implant research? Did this happen just so this story could come forward, in an intriguing way, with such tight fitting puzzle pieces. Does this make sense?

Whitley Strieber replies: The whole UFO-close encounter phenomenon is, to an extent, orchestrated, I think. It has a very 'on-stage' quality that induces intense questioning. What ARE these things in the sky? Why ARE people being abducted? What do implants do? Are they dangerous or not? It is intended to be this way, I feel sure.

(a DREAMLAND forum member asks)
John, do you wish now that you'd left it in?

John: No, I was supposed to have it removed. They knew I would start an investigation, and wanted this information to come to light. They are entering a phase of their agenda where they want some publicity, so that those who are ready to accept them will know they are here.

          *       *       *

Let me add that I have a small straight razor like scar on the inside of my left nostril. It showed up about 2000 (I think) and I have no idea how I got it. That’s a story for another blog posting.


Red Pill Junkie said...

Very interesting.

Has John found the composition of the implant he had removed relevant to his professional research in carbon nanotubes?

PS: I found the comment Loren Coleman wrote re. your Id photo @ Twilight Language to be very weird. He's a very intelligent person, I think he's able to perceive connections others cannot, although I think it's kind of a razor-edge road —there's a danger of obsessing too much with coincidences & codes.

Anonymous said...

Wow, talk about odd connections - I was at a graduation party last Saturday, sitting and talking with people I know very well and see often. At one point, one of my best friend's wife was sitting next to me and I noticed a small odd scar on the side of her left nostril. It really struck me as odd because I've never noticed it before and I've known her for 15 years. Then a little while later, I was talking to another old friend who I've known for 25 years and noticed a similiar scar on the side of his nose. It really threw me to notice both of them for the first time on the same day. Then today, I read your last line about your scar. Very weird.

Mike Clelland! said...

Hey Anonymous!

PLEASE - Ask the about their scars! Comments about the left nostril scar have come up for me in other situations...

- and -

Red Pill Junkie:
There is supposed to be a report on-line (detailing the implant) in PDF form, thru DREAMLAND or thru Leir's site. I have yet to find it.

Wildrote said...

Thank you for posting about this.

I've had to adjust to talking about experiences based on intuitions, just knowing things, or being told by beings that no one else can see. It sounds like something out of your basic self help book, but I'm learning how important it is to place value on your own perception of reality, no matter how out of sync it is with the world around you.

Anonymous said...

If you've ever read John A. Keel, you might have noticed he pointed out that once you start BELIEVING in any specifics in cases of the weird, then "they" have got you. That's when people lose it. So I'd suggest being wary of anyone urging you to phrase things in too specific terms, especially someone who talks about "aliens." They'll appear however you want them to appear but appearances are just that. Be careful of semantics, don't confuse the map with the territory.

Quanta said...

John does speak bluntly and I think I know what you mean when you describe the almost unnerving certainty of his demeanour. I have a similar close friend - similar in that she speaks with such an air of authority. To question the source of "another's" certainty is natural, but we would do well to acknowledge that we don't necessarily know their reality. We only know ours.

John and "Heidi" are part of the weave of existence ... "our" existence and "cosmic" existence. I believe we get from our interactions with the field around us, the field that indeed we are, what we need to continue evolving in this huge fractal of "I," the Cosmos. I'm an experientialist. The Cosmos *is* experience.

I didn't intend to wax like that, but nonetheless, I'll keep it in.

In that light, "perhaps" it's not that you don't trust yourself enough ... maybe you don't trust the source, or the process, and "maybe" there's good reason for that. But do you trust your intuition?

There's no need for any of us to agree on anything, really, except peace ...

Oh, one more thing, with regard to your inner questions. I intuit you're drawn to this subject for a reason, and that you're moving closer to a full acceptance of a heretofore unrealised reality (!). The validity of your experience will saturate your life as you become more comfortable with your knowledge ... and with your history and mission.


Mike Clelland! said...

Each person who posted saw something in this post that I also recognize. It helps me a LOT to hear each of your insights.

John is a very nice, and intense, fellow. And maybe the same could be said of me. We seem to have a lot in common.

RIght now, the only way I can honestly express myself is to tell everyone how unsure I am about all of this. I feel like Im At a loss of how to articulate this. I "feel" certain things, but how much weight does that have? Actually, to me, quite a bit. But I'm aware of how fleeting these "feelings" might be.

Do I "trust" what I'm feeling? Mostly no.

What am I doing writing this blog? Why am I SO dedicated to trying to share my experiences, even the elusive memories.