Saturday, March 21, 2009

trying to capture a memory with a pen

This image was drawn as a quick little sketch in about 1994. I added the grey tones, using a computer, in 2008. Click on the drawing for a hi-res view.

This drawing represents the same 1993 memory in the posting below.

Here's the story of this drawing. For obvious reasons, that faint memory out my window bugged me. And, maybe about a year after the 1993 night-time event (maybe more) I doodled this little drawing on a page with some other scribbles. I didn’t dwell on it, I just quickly sketched it, and I remember thinking, "Ewww, that's kinda creepy."

And, I promptly put the drawing away in a drawer and forgot about it.

About a year ago, I found it again. It had been well over ten years since I had drawn it. It was just a little sketch, merely black ink lines on a piece of white paper. The memory was of a dark room, and the drawing didn't capture that. So I scanned it onto my computer and added some B&W tones. Using photoshop to create the darker image, with the bight light outside, seemed to accurately capture my dim recollection. The memory was of five spindly entities, I am sure of that, but the drawing only shows only two.

The much more precise follow-up drawing (in the post below) was created last summer in a sort of compulsive flurry.

After coloring in the little sketch, I realized I simply had to finally draw up another more detailed picture. It had been bugging me, and I've avoided doing it. But I needed to do this drawing. So, I forced myself to sit at my desk and I finally drew this more detailed image. Please understand, this was not an easy process to draw, I felt anxious and obsessive as I put the ink on the paper.

The final illustration feels pretty close. I clearly remember five entities, and they were lined up in the snow. But this drawing seems a little TOO tidy, I don't think it was so orderly, they weren’t standing in such perfect sync. And, I feel like I saw them walking, but I can't be sure.

The back lighting is pretty much the way I remember it. It seemed to flood into the room.

* * *

I’ll add that there have been a series of comments from people who have read the post below. They (quite correctly) point out that this could be some sort of dream state that I am confusing with reality. Sleep apnea or a hypnogogic hallucination are appropriate terms. Please know, that I recognize that potential, and my logical mind would agree completely. But, the “metaphysical” side of my mind is quite conflicted. I simply can’t allow myself to declare this memory as real or imagined. It seems weirder than either.

I’ll also add that I never looked in the yard for any evidence. It would have been very easy to just walk outside and look at the snow. I didn’t do that, at the time I forthrightly dismissed it as a dream, so why would I?


nisse said...

Thank You, ten o'clock. Happy to come here!

Anonymous said...

These stories really deserve to be a book, you know. I never read books, but this is the one I can.

Mac said...

I like the dino on the windowsill.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful drawings.

Kartott said...

I have been going through a similar exercise in terms of trying to capture past event I have long avoided. I too am an artist but find some things difficult to draw. In some cases it is simple fuzziness of memory over long years gone by. In other cases, as I draw, additional details come through; things I had forgotten. Some things feel blocked by a reaction that is emotionless, a sense of "why does this matter" - and yet a deep sense that it DOES matter. A tug of war within myself. Altogether it has been a rather frustrating exercise. Please keep doing what you are doing; it is helping me to be a little more brave myself!

Anonymous said...

Island and little men