believing vs knowing

In the last few weeks I’ve been at the receiving end of a singular message. It’s been showing up over and over and over. There’s been an intense cast of characters who’ve shown up in my life (and even I’ve paid a few of ‘em) and each one has been hitting me over the head with this message.

Here’s what I’m hearing: I need to move on, and quit wallowing in my wishy-washy state of self-doubt. I need to deal with this. The time of wavering is over.

It feels like the universe is no longer nudging me to change, it's kicking me!

Miriam Delicado shared her insights during our audio interview:

She said, “I went thru that stage for a really REALLY long time. Is this real? Is it happening? What does it mean? It’s a real denial that you have to get over at some point. And you eventually come into a really calm clearness over your experiences and what it is that you know within yourself. That's the beauty of it, it forces you to look at all those different areas of who you are.”

Then I ask: “And when is this gunna happen? I’m very eager for this!” And we both laugh.

This was followed by a Tarot reading with gifted researcher, William Henry. He spoke in metaphor (something that I really love) using the imagery from the upturned Tarot cards as a way to visualize where I am in my life, right now and to emphasize the change that's required.

Images like a ship leaving the harbor, sunrise, the birth canal, the caterpillar leaving the cocoon and (in true new age terms) he said it was time to change my resonance.

I also had two long phone chats with David Huggins, and we spoke at length about the difference between believing and knowing. David talked to me in his calm clear way about his life journey, and how believing is a cushion, something that pads him from a deeper experience. He talked about how simply believing was somehow incomplete and it created anxiety in his life. At some point he changed, he understood that his experiences were real, and he entered a phase of knowing, and everything has been much more peaceful since that fundamental shift.

And then came the events of last Saturday night, a week to the day as I write this. This was the frenzied back and forth emails between me and my new pal Stacey. This was a whack across my head because gentle prodding wasn’t working.

Here’s what I wrote to Stacey later in the week: I saw an owl tonight while on my bike in town.

It crossed my path.

And - Last night I spoke on the phone with David Huggins. He carefully described his personal turning point. He went from believing in his experiences - to knowing. It was really moving for me, almost a pep talk (or maybe a sort of instruction manual).

Stacey replied to me “Yes going from believing to knowing is a milestone. I have no idea when that moment was for me. I know longer ‘believe’, I know, and this the difference...I am so thankful for everyday.”

All this seemed to culminate in a psychic reading with Marla Frees. We spoke for over an hour last Sunday, and this could be it’s own novel. But she was very clear that I needed to move on. I need to accept all this stuff that, deep down, I already know. This time of uncertainty needs to end.

I spent last week in a state of self examination. I’m aware that all these ongoing synchronicities, the theme of this whole blog, all seem to be nudging me (or kicking me) in one singular direction: To move beyond a mode of thinking that no longer serves me.

Now, all this implies that there is something before me, just one step farther down the path. Something that I’m capable of embracing, and that can change me. But what that might be - I truly don’t know.