thoughts on the image in my eye

Part ONE to this story linked HERE 

I posted that story below, about the curious little face in my vision, with a lot of trepidation.

Part of the reason I put it on-line was because I knew that Mac Tonnies would have been delighted by it. Really, he would have added a comment straight away, I know it. He would have said something like: “Wow, that is SO weird!”

And it is.

I totally realize the thing is just a curious image caused by light as it passes thru the small milky cataracts in my right eye. Seeing the face is no different than seeing a teddy bear shape in a cloud. I know this.

I’ve told a lot of my friends about my curious memories, and (pretty much) they have all been supportive and encouraging. Sometimes, they will respond thoughtfully, telling me that maybe everybody has these experiences, and for some reason I actually notice them. Maybe I try and add deeper meaning to them. That has the ring of truth to it, and I take it to heart. This psychological phenomenon even has a name, Pareidolia.

Two nights before I first noticed this weird image in my eye, I did something I do often. I slept out under the stars deep in the backountry of Joshua Tree National Park. I asked the universe for help, and then I went to sleep. I’ve had some powerful results to this kind of request, but I awoke that morning with out any dreams. But less than 24 hours later I saw this image. Am I projecting too much meaning onto something totally normal? Undoubtely.

Also, I had just spent two days at Whitley Strieber’s DREAMLAND conference. William Henry had a really cool presentation (with LOTS of images) about how there are clues in ancient texts and paintings that man can achieve a light-body. He had multiple images of Jesus and Buddha in a rainbow ring, or halo - or a star gate.

And this little face seemed to have that exact same colorful ring around it. Now I’m making an analogy to this little face and Jesus. Am I spiraling into some delusional place of false self importance? I don’t think so, I just thought it was really interesting.

Just so y'know, when I first saw that glimmering little face, out on the grass in a park in Pasadena, my initial reaction was: “Damn! Now I’m gunna have to draw this thing and put it on my stupid blog, and everybody will think I've gone totally nuts!”

Part of me wanted to delete this post, and I almost did, until I received this comment:

"If more people reported their personal observations of the many crazy things I suspect we all experience, I think we'd agree to collectively broaden our limitations on what constitutes sanity. As most choose silence due to fear of judgment, our perceptions of what is normal or even possible from other human beings is censored and distorted."

YES! What she said! If only people as a collective whole could all agree to just stop ignoring "it," --think how much higher up the ladder of consciousness we'd all be.

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Part ONE to this story inked HERE

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Follow up:

As of December 9th I can no longer find the same image in my eyesight. I still have the effect from the cataracts in my right eye, but it doesn't look like a face anymore. It now looks like nothing more than a swirling blur.

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image within my eye

I drew the curious image as a way to try understand what I've seen. I was recently (and repeatedly) confronted with this little face. You can double click on the illustration for a high-rez view.

I am writing this with a real-deal feeling of uneasiness because it’s just so bizarre. Sharing this strange story leaves me open to (justifiable) claims that I’m delusional, paranoid, fantasy prone or just plain lying. As I write this out, I am trying to be as honest and clear as I can be.

First I need to fill you in on my eyes themselves. During the summer of ’08 I noticed some odd things in my sight, later an optometrist diagnosed me with cataracts on my right eye.

Here's a photo of my eye, taken in the doctors office, and you can see the small imperfections centered in my pupil.
Those little tiny dots are cataracts. Presently it's minimal and not much of an issue, sometimes I see a blurry halo around lights at night.

Here's how I saw the distinct image of the little face.

Last week I was laying on my back in a park in Pasadena California. It was a lovely afternoon, the sun was shining and my face was pointed upwards. You know how when you lie out in the sunshine with your eyes closed, there is a warm pink glow in your vision, you can see the light through your eyelids. Right then I was seeing that. Then I squinted, just slightly opening my eyes, because I am always amazed at the psychedelic imagery that appears as the sunshine filters thru my eyelashes. I get this curious "lens flare" and optical "blooms" that play out brilliantly in my relaxed state of concentration. Does this make sense?

Since the cataracts appeared in my right eye, these halo type blooms are slightly distorted, they show up as a doughnut shape, rather than a true circle of light. I’ve noticed this often in the last year. And as I lay out in sunshine in that park I saw, quite clearly, the image of a little face in the center of this optical effect!

I was enthralled, and I could distinctly focus on it. What I saw was much more psychedelic than I the drawing posted above. There was a vivid rainbow of colors all warped in a halo around this perfectly-defined little face.

It seemed a little bit scull like, and at the same time, it had that big-eyed alien look too.

And - strangely - it looked like ME! Bald, with big eyes. The image seemed to have big side burns too! (Okay, this is the part where you can accuse me of being delusional! ) When I do self portraits, I always seem to draw myself with giant wide-eyes. So, in a strange way, this seemed like a weirdly personal caricature.

Everything below the head was a distorted set of swirls, but to me, it looked like the tiny figure was seated in the lotus position.

Yes, I recognize how crazy this seems, and just so you know I am the type of person to see vibrant impressions of faces in clouds. I have a wood grain ceiling above my bed, and I can pick out lions, bunnies and human figures in the abstract lines. I realize I am projecting all kinds of drama into this, but this face REALLY looks like a face.

A few days later, I purposely lay myself down in Moab Utah and looked up into the sun, and it was there again, clear as can be.

Yesterday, to draw this image, I lay on my floor in my living room with a clipboard and a pencil. I faced into the sun as it shone thru a window with the same squinted eyes, and again, I saw the vivid little face. Actually drawing this image was a funny thing to attempt. I would get the image in my field of view, and then sit up and frantically draw it out, then I would lay down again, fix the image in my eye and repeat the process. I drew it with a pencil, and then later used my computer to add the color. It was difficult to render, like trying to capture the sparkling refractions in a Coke bottle back lit by a bright light.

Here’s the original pencil drawing.

Each time I’ve looked for it, the imagery has been very clear. To see it, I need to close my left eye completely. I don't need to focus on anything, it seems to be in focus all by itself. I just need to hold my head steady, and keep my gaze still. It's nothing fleeting - it's in there!

My color drawing is as exact as I feel I can be as I attempt to capture it. The real image (that only I can see) is much more psychedelic. The colorful swirling effect is due to some subtle prism refraction. It is not the result of a meditative vision, it's REALLY in there!

When I look at my drawing I see the face as a scull (or an alien, or even a demon), the drawing is decidedly darker than what I see when I look into the sun. The face I see within my own eye seems (to me) to be profoundly neutral. The drawing is, to me, quite accurate. I can’t show anyone what I am truly seeing, so this colorful sketch will have to suffice.

Believe me, I completely recognize that I am projecting big time with this. I mean, a tiny flaw on the lens of my eye creates a curious little face - and I write a 900 word essay on it? On some level, this is downright paranoid. I don't wanna go so far as to call it a mystical experience, but it is interesting, at least to me.

Also, I can’t help but think how I’m playing the role of the fool in all this. Believe me, I know it ain’t wise to look into the sun.

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As of December 9th 2009, I can no longer find the same image in my eyesight. I still have the effect from the cataracts in my right eye, but it doesn't look like a face anymore. It now looks like a swirling blur.

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Part TWO to this story linked HERE

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Even more, sacred geometry linked HERE
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