funny dream

Double click on the illustration for a hi-rez view.

During the summer of 2008 I was at the receiving end of a series of oddly vivid dreams. I call them “reassuring” dreams because in each one I confront certain frightening UFO issues. In these dreams the scary things are presented to me as something simple and non-threatening. I’m not sure what to make of these dreams.

One of these curious “reassuring” dreams had the distinct air of comedy. It happened last summer while I was sleeping in a tent in the mountains of central Wyoming.

Please note, this NEVER happened, it was a dream!

In this dream, I was visiting my older brother in Michigan. We were together in his kitchen and he off-handedly told me that he had something that he thought I would find interesting. Then, he took me to the garage and showed me what he had, it was a flying saucer! It was about the size of a van, up on saw-horses and partially covered with a tarp. It looked like someone had started disassembling the thing because two big sections had been removed from the sides.

I was completely mystified.

My brother calmly explained he done some sort of government work, and knew some guy who ended up with this thing, and he didn’t want it anymore so my brother took it off his hands as a sort of favor. Anyway, it was funny how casual he was about it.

Here’s the weird part. He explained that if I got too close it would distort my perceptions, and - well - alter reality. I didn’t quite get what he meant. So, I approached it and as I got closer there was a distinct warping of my psyche. This eerie feeling would be hard to explain, but it was very defined. The feeling was unmistakably vivid.

And here’s the bizarre part, that warped sensation was familiar, it seemed to exactly match my memory of the events from Maine in 1993, and the dream like fog I experienced.

As I backed away, the feeling subsided, when I got closer it happened again.

My brother was totally cavalier about the whole thing. He said he was used to that weird feeling, no big deal. But he can’t figure out how to get inside the thing, that sensation holds him back. Then he showed me how he attached a camera on the end of a long stick and puts that in the door to see what was inside.

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The way I saw the craft was as a disassembled disc, with the sides removed. This drawing shows how I perceived the assembled craft.


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my cat acts scared

My cat Spazzy, in a typically calm pose.

Last night I was alone in my little cabin sitting on the couch watching a DVD, my cat was sitting next to me, as always. Suddenly I was aware that she was acting really scared. She got into this really scrunched-up defensive pose and her tail poofed up huge. The hair along her back was sticking straight up. I tried to pet her to calm her down, but she didn’t respond at all. I could feel her back was rigid with tension. I leaned over and looked at her face and her eyes were entirely dilated and black.

She wasn’t moving, and she was entirely focused at an empty spot the center of the room just a few yards in front of the couch.

I saw nothing, and I sensed nothing. But my cat's overt display meant something.

I got up and walked around the house, and when I stood in the living room in front of the couch I could see right where she was focused. She stayed frozen in that anxious pose with her dilated eyes fixed on an empty spot right in the center of the room.

Am I paranoid? Should I worry? It went on for like 10 minutes. Eventually, she changed her posture, and she jumped down from the couch and sat under the coffee table, still focusing on that empty spot. At this point I was up and walking around, but she wasn’t following me at my ankles, and that is unusual. I watched as she eased her way closer to the spot in the center of the room and she cautiously sniffed around that spot.

There is a skittish side to my cat, and I’ve never seen her act like this. I've seen her deal with big dogs and loud noises, I know how she reacts to those kinds of stimulus, she’ll run upstairs and hide. After about 20 minutes she was her regular self again, zipping around the house and begging for attention.

I wrote this up because the event seemed decidedly unusual. It came on the heels of a very intense few weeks of heavy self examination culminating in a very real acceptance of my memories and their implications. Maybe this means nothing, and I'm articulating an underlying paranoia that comes with my journey.
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Text added Nov. 5th, 2009

Okay, I didn’t add this to the post above because it was so weird. My cat’s intensity was so acute that I absolutely KNEW something was in the room.

I got up from the couch and stood in the middle of the main room, and sort of stared into the spot that my cat was all focused on and I said (out loud) that I felt strong and confident. I said (firmly) if you have anything to say to me, I respond well when I receive messages in my sleep, so please communicate that way. (that said, nothing happened in my dreams that night)

This speaks to where I'm at these days. It felt absolutely normal to speak firmly and confidently at an empty spot on my living room rug.

I'll add that earlier in the day I had a 90-minute session with Anya, where she played the role of channel for me and my curious needs. She wrote me an email when she heard about my cat and her intense reaction.

Here's what she said:

"I don't want to freak you out, but sometimes, beings open portals to check things out. That is all they come to do. I think that's what happened - actually, hold on - the beings are saying that's exactly what happened. I think I should explain because I am not surprised this happened at all and cats are naturally psychic...

I think there was some high strangeness going on by proxy of some kind of connection to me. Other people I know have reported this sort of thing .... Idaho to NY to them is nothing in terms of distance ... it isn't the first time my 'boys' were checking up on people I associate with to feed the flame of 'knowledge' further along as it were ... No big deal."

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Also: The movie on the DVD was THE HUSTLER (1961). This is an amazing movie, and maybe there is relevance. It's a story about deception, and 1961 is a relevant year in this blog.

And - Jackie Gleason, has an interesting place in UFO history. He was well-known as quite and aficionado on the UFO subject, and late one night (as the story goes) he went with his golfing pal Richard Nixon to an air-force base to view little alien bodies, supposedly from Roswell.

(Mucho thanks to the comments below for inspiring this extra text)

researching myself

This short essay is full of speculations and deep personal examinations. I’m leaving myself wide open for anyone to question my sanity. I'm stating this up front so I don't need to dance around what I wanna say, I'm just gunna say it.
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At a recent UFO conference in California I told fellow attendee that I was doing research. They said, "Oh really? What are you researching?"



I replied, "Well, I guess I'm researching myself."



That was a perfectly honest answer.

How’s this research comin’ along? I’m not sure if I can answer that because I have absolutely no idea what I am interacting with.

I feel like I'm grappling with the big questions right now because the last few weeks have been over-the-top in the power of the synchronicities and intensity of the experiences. I look back over the last few years and it feels like I've been dealing with some sort of an incremental induction. I'm moving, little by little, into a place of utter weirdness. At first I was tickled, and then poked, then slapped in the face - and now I feel like my head has been rung like a gong.

Something has been working hard to get my attention, and at the same time it is being careful not to totally freak me out. Whatever it is, there is something about it that is intensely personal. It is playing out in a way that feels like it's tailored to fit some deep part of my psyche. As I attempt examine it, I am amazed at how precisely the events are unfolding, one after another. Each experience is opening me up, just a little bit more.

The heart-warming story about the grocery store check out girl was like being tickled.

The funny story about the bottle of Neutrogena 45 was like being poked.

The beautiful story of Cindy Gail arriving in my life was like being slapped in the face (it was a nice slap, really).

And all the forceful events of the last few weeks have rung my head like a gong.

I can’t help but be impressed with the steady and systematic escalation of these experiences. Along the way I’ve changed and evolved. I am not the same person I was just a few years ago.

Just so you know, there in no subject that I find more challenging than the trappings of the new age movement. But I have been escorted (or dragged?) to a place where I now consult psychics and channelers (and I am wearing a crystal around my neck, right now). This is something I would have dismissed with contempt just a short while ago. But now I’m here, and quite willingly.

Who knows what the future will bring? I like to think that I’m self-aware enough to drop any of these things if they just feel like they don’t work for me anymore. If this blogging format seems unnecessary, I’ll drop it.

My initial reason for going thru this focused self-examination was because of my foggy UFO memories. In the winter of 2006 I made a very real declaration, I said YES to looking at my experiences. I had an idea of how all this might unfold, but it hasn’t happened that way. It has been much stranger and much more personal that I would have ever imagined. This process, the act of saying YES, has been extremely challenging and the last three years have been really hard.

Why does that little image of a face in my vision seem so important? Nobody can see it except me. If I wasn’t a skilled illustrator, it would be impossible for me to share. But I can draw, so I did draw it, and I shared it with the whole world. And, believe me, I know how strange that is.

I saw a lot of owls from this summer. I really felt that my logical side of my head could dismiss these sightings as just chance. But after the incredibly intense on-line interactions with Stacey and her owl story, that logical thing doesn’t fit anymore. I never would have met Stacey if it hadn’t have been for all those owls, they played an important role. The owls got all intertwined with UFO’s and all culminated in a mind-blowing phone call with a gifted psychic.

These bizarre events can wig me out, true enough, but they also leave me fascinated and intrigued. Something is happening, and I’ll probably never be able to define it.

My head has been cracked open, I am receptive and ready for whatever the universe is gunna offer up next. I might fail, or wig-out. But, I might just gain a new insight that will surprise and impress me.

And maybe I can share what I find.

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Anya is a Channel

Anya in the zone, articulating some universal truths.

Late on Friday night I noticed a new addition to my short list of followers. There was a little avatar that I hadn’t seen before, and the moment I saw her tiny image there was the very real sense that this was somehow deeply important. I’m serious, this was a unmistakable feeling.

So I clicked on it, and got to her blog, titled: Anya is a Channel. It's loaded with a buncha of you-tube videos, most of them just a close up of her face as she speaks to her computer, and then she smiles, and begins channeling. She has a really funny way of speaking for Them (whoever They are) and she'll furrow her brow, and question things and then laugh. It's obvious there is a lotta banter going on in her head, and it's all intertwined with some amusing word-play.

I stayed up late and watched them all, and some of them twice.

Here I’ll add that I went thru a chapter of my life in the 90’s where I immersed myself in channeled information. I have a book shelf loaded with these books. I feel like I have a pretty good foundation into this fringe material.

The next morning I send Anya an email thru her blog, and within minutes she replies with her phone number - and I immediately dial my phone.

We talk for the next SIX HOURS!

Both of us burn thru multiple phone batteries, and then we’d frantically call each other back on another line.

We’ve each adopted New Your as our home town (even though I now live in Idaho) so it felt normal to talk in rapid fire fervor, jumping from subject to subject. We would unashamedly confront the other about the deepest stuff. Niceties weren’t held back, we really went for it!

She would drift in and out of her own voice, lapsing into channeling. The overlapping got confusing at times, and it evolved into a sort of three way conversation between myself, Anya and Them. I tried to stay totally open, like a sponge (or a vacuum?).

When I would share my strange life experiences, Anya would interrupt and interject from her sources. She (or more accurately, They) explained what was going on beyond my perceptions, and a lot of exacting details were imparted that Anya simply couldn’t have known.

As I write this out, I fully recognize that I just got hit with a big "whammy" and my head is still vibrating like a gong. (like a cartoon character that gets hit over the head with a frying pan, and then vibrates for a few extra beats) I know that I'll need to let the tone settle down a little before I can attempt to calmly organize my thoughts and emotions.

And yes, I know full well not to “believe” all this information without some critical thinking. Channeled is suspect, true enough. But, I was completely open. And how can critical thinking and channeling find a happy meeting place? The logical side of my brain screams that it’s impossible. My heart says the opposite.

Okay, it goes on and on and on. I laughed and cried. She egged me on and chided me. Lot's went down, more than I can write here.

Anya channels Them on my present state: “You are doing great. Good student, A plus, well done, they are patting you on the head, good work, they are happy.”

It ends with a sort of summation, from Them about our intense phone call.

Anya explains: “There is a reason this session was so long, we are awakening you. Your DNA is growing, it’s changing, because of this call. You are being transformed, awakened and stimulated to your real purpose. You are a Star Seed, and this is your time to wake up.”

Now, for her version of events, y'gotta visit Anya's Blog, and read this!
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More?

Okay, this morning email Marla Frees about yesterdays wildly intense phone call, and here is an excerpt from her reply:

“Mike ... make a journal of these amazing things, do not JUDGE this process, do not limit yourself to the unfolding of the greatest parts of yourself, you are becoming the Mike you were supposed to be ... God does not give you what you can't handle ... if it is too much for you then you ask, for them to slow down, but I think you have been getting ready for this, and you must surrender to this, RIDE THE WAVE, SURF IT LIKE THE SKIER YOU ARE ... BE BRILLIANT ON THE ICE CRYSTAL OF THE NEW FREQUENCIES YOU NOW DANCE WITH ... AND ALLOW THE LOVE TO POUR FORTH! Good job my friend ... You are doing GREAT.”

This inspiring quote from Marla matches what Anya told me in her summation, some of it word for word.

timeline

Creating this timeline started as just another blog post, a way to help anyone visiting this site to navigate thru the mish-mash of intersecting stories. But, as I was organizing it, I realized it was something much more introspective. It became a way to help me make sense of my deeply personal and confusing issues.

For your benefit, this post is awash in links.

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1962 - The year of my birth. This becomes relevant starting in the fall of ’08 as I meet people my own age with similar histories.

The late 1960’s - This is when I had that emotional reaction to the scary face at the end of the STAR TREK during the credits.

The early 1970’s - I had a LOT of bloody noses during my youth, especially between about the ages of 8 on thru to about 14. I clearly remember one morning, when I was about 11, waking up with my pillow soaked with a ridiculous amount of blood. I thought to my self, how did I sleep through this and not wake up? I remember this was common for me.

illustrated recreation of a 1974 sighting

1974 - I saw a “coffee can” shaped object with my friend Kenny. I don't know the exact date, but I feel pretty certain it was in '74.

Autumn 1974 - The orange flash and missing time event in my neighborhood. This experience is the crux of the overall mystery. There are spider webs connected to this event that seem to connect everywhere.

Mid-70’s - I read FLYING SAUCERS SERIOUS BUSINESS by Frank Edwards, the first “big” book I read from beginning to end (the second was JAWS).

Late-70's - During my teens I feel like I was a typical American kid. I was a big fan of Close Encounters and Star Wars. I also loved the TV show IN SEARCH OF...

1981 - I moved from a suburb in Michigan to New York City. I was 19 years old, and it was a tremendously exciting time in my life.

1986 - I spend a winter in Jackson Hole Wyoming as a ski bum. This will deeply influence my life path. I spend the few years moving back and forth between the Rockies and NYC.

1987 - I see Whitley Strieber’s book COMMUNION. My response was curiosity (and a lot of skepticism). My initial reaction to the face on the cover was “that’s not quite right.” I don't actually read the book until around 1992.

1991 (approx.) - I picked up a trade paperback titled UFO CASEBOOK by Kevin D. Randle. I’ve long since lost this book, but it started me on a compulsive reading frenzy on the subject. Something that continues to this day.

1992 thru 1999 - In December of 1992 I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. I spent the next 7 years on anti-depressant medications. I used these years to do a lot hard work and deep self-examination. The metaphor of death and re-birth is entirely appropriate. I feel I emerged at the other end a much healthier person.

illustration drawn to match my memory

Jan or Feb 1993 - I wake up in the middle of the night to see five figures out my bedroom window. The experience is dreamlike and easily dismissed. I drew a image as an attempt to make sense of the memory, and that unleashed even more questions.

Nov 1993 - I move out West permanently. I settle in a small town in rural Idaho.

March 1994 - I had an unknown ailment that ended with a big hunk of my large intestine getting removed. This was a hard physical set back, followed by a few years of deeply challenging real-deal emotional issues.

Mid to late 90’s - I’m drawn to decidedly new-age topics. As well as the UFO topic, I’m reading about modern physics, religious studies and channeled books.

2002 - I visit a crop circle in the nearby town of Teton Idaho.

2002 thru 2006 - Somewhere in the first few years of this century I get obsessed with doing a documentary on the subject of UFO abductions. When I subscribe to NetFlix I begin watching documentaries on UFO’s and most of ‘em are lousy.

Sept 2006 - I have the multiple owl experience (twice) with Kristy in the Tetons. The owl weirdness begins.

Oct 2006 - I write up the simple proposal for a documentary on UFO abductions, and a local producer says; “Let’s do it”

Winter 2006 / 2007 - I have a very vivid dream that relates to the documentary. Because of the intense metaphoric imagery in this dream, I say yes to truly looking into my memories, and I decide to use my real name.

August 2007 - The production begins on the documentary, and myself and a small team start to shoot video footage.

Nov 2007 - I go to my first UFO conference in Las Vegas. After this I attend more than a few conferences. And then I go to a bunch more, and I find that these venues to be very helpful.

Oct 2007 - I meet with Budd Hopkins, and I share a story that he describes as Confirmation Anxiety. I created a long essay to attempt to describe the confusing emotions.

Feb 2008 - I attend the UFO congress in Laughlin Nevada and meet Natascha.

Spring 2008 - Somewhere in here the documentary seems to stall out. Everyone involved still believes in the project (including me), but there is no longer any momentum.

Oct 2008 - I meed David Biedny at the CULTURE OF CONTACT conference in New Jersey.

Nov 16th 2008 - I take part in a one hour audio interview on THE PARACAST.

Feb 2009 - I attend the Laughlin UFO conference. I am in a place of deep anxiety and soul searching. This is not a peaceful time for me. I meet Miriam Delicado, and she encouraged me to speak out more.

March 3rd 2009 - Upon returning from the Laughlin conference, I start this blog. Initially, the stories that I post are simple coincidences (like this). I was scared to share the stories with UFO implications.

March 13th 2009 - Late at night I was preparing to post my missing time experience from 1974, but I was frightened by the implications of sharing a story that would imply some sort of abduction. At that moment, I received an email from a childhood friend, Cindy. This is relevant to the story, and the synchronistic timing was mind-boggling.

I cannot overstate the intense implications of this event, it pushed me (metaphorically) off the cliff. The adorable image to the left is Cindy in Kindergarten.

~
From this point on,

everything felt decidedly different.
~

March 22nd 2009 - My second appearance on the PARACAST. This was a two hour conversation, where I spoke openly about the difficulties and insecurities surrounding my experiences. This is followed by an on-line sh*t-storm of people calling me delusional, ego-maniacal and fraudulent. (a curious experience, I'll write about it soon)

Winter & early spring 2009 - My life during these months was extremely difficult and emotional. This basically parallels the genesis of this blog. I am not sure why I was so compelled to share so much in this very public forum. My anxiety isn't hidden, it's obvious in a lot of the posts in this turbulent time.

July 29th 2009 - I have a very intense synchronicity where another person associated with the missing time event from 1974 reappears in my life. Again, the timing is simply too exact to dismiss.

my shamanic guru

Summer 2009 - I saw a LOT of owls. The overwhelming volume of owl sightings is extremely strange, it goes way beyond simple coincidence. I get the sense that they are trying to get me to wake up.

Starting in 2009 - I see the numbers 1-2-3-4-5, this shows up as a series of ongoing synchronicities. This ends up getting sort of ridiculous. 

Autumn of 2009 - Synchronicities seem to intensify. I’ve been slowly and constantly shedding my doubts about the reality of my experiences. Some of these heavy-handed coincidences (like this!) are so profound that I can no longer deny that something very real is happening. The month of October was a frenetic descent into synchro-overload!

My pal Mac.

Oct. 20th 2009 - Mac Tonnies dies peacefully in his apartment in Kansas City. The world loses one of it's great thinkers, and I lose a friend I never met.

Halloween 2009 - I have a 6-hour phone call with a woman named Anya, who channeled from her source during the call. This comes on the heels of a very intense month. My level of acceptance is changing. Awakening would be an appropriate way to describe this experience. 

Hyper-vivid dream imagery.

Feb. 5th 2010 - I have a very vivid dream that foreshadows events in Laughlin Nevada. I record the dream and then I see a grapefruit sized blue orb floating in my bedroom. Natascha and I spend 10 days together after not seeing each other for 2 years.

March 2010 - I get another dose of synchro-weirdness when I start putting lines on a map after seeing photos of owls in Missouri.

Illustrated recreation of an extremely vivid memory. The sense of floating was very real.

May 2010 - Myself, along with my friend Natascha, experience something profoundly distressing late at night in a tent. For me, this has been my only experience of profound fear. The events also yielded a curious scratch, and a follow-up sweat-lodge with a Navajo shaman.

June 2011 - There is a post with a photo of a small truangular scar on my forearm. I don't know what it is or where it came from. I remember it clearly as a boy in the mid-70's. This one post has generated a LOT of hits because people are trying to find answers about their own odd scars.

Sept 2011 - I talk with and share stories with the author and researcher Sesh Heri. This exchange was life affirming in a way that I found perfectly delightful.

Feb 2012 - There is an extra label on posts where I share DIRECT EXPERIENCES. These are real-deal incidents that are relevant to the overall "involvement" with this elusive phenomenon. These experiences seem to imply something.

What I saw from my sleeping spot in southern Utah

March 10th, 2013  - I experienced something very strange while sleeping under the stars in southern Utah. This culminated in two posts on the same day. The first is a rather dry report of my memories and impressions (linked HERE). The second post is far stranger, it shows three events all lined up on a map (linked HERE). The urge to create the map came from a very real psychic knowing that I have only occasionally. This knowing is always connected to the reality of UFO events in my life.

March 22nd, 2013 - This post is titled I NOW KNOW and it took me 50 years to write. After the events of March 10th (the date noted above) I just couldn't deny the obvious anymore. I wrote:

I am now unable to cling to that former identity of "not" knowing. I now know. I am directly intertwined with the UFO reality.

I hate the term alien abductee, so I avoided it. But, I'm pretty much saying the same thing.

July 2013 - I've posted a long format essay titled Owls and the UFO Abductee. This is similar in tone (and conclusion) to a previous essay titled: Synchronicity and the UFO Abductee. Both these reports define my research as well as my personal journey. The are archived as PDF documents.

Feb 2014 - I spoke on stage at UFO conference in Arizona. This was a HUGE deal for me, standing on stage and telling about my owl research and personal experiences. The talk was well received by the attendees. Short clip HERE.

I would characterize very few UFO books as beautiful. But this one is. 

      —Richard Dolan

Dec 3rd 2015 - the big book of owls is published. The Messengers is part my owl research and part my own personal experiences.

Feb 17th 2018 - the companion to the first owl book is published. Stories from The Messengers is a collection of 19 stories. Each are examples of the complexities of the owl and UFO experience.

July 2nd 2018 - the audio book of Stories from The Messengers is published. Read by the author—me.

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(I will revise this timeline as needed)
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thoughts on the image in my eye

Part ONE to this story linked HERE 

I posted that story below, about the curious little face in my vision, with a lot of trepidation.

Part of the reason I put it on-line was because I knew that Mac Tonnies would have been delighted by it. Really, he would have added a comment straight away, I know it. He would have said something like: “Wow, that is SO weird!”

And it is.

I totally realize the thing is just a curious image caused by light as it passes thru the small milky cataracts in my right eye. Seeing the face is no different than seeing a teddy bear shape in a cloud. I know this.

I’ve told a lot of my friends about my curious memories, and (pretty much) they have all been supportive and encouraging. Sometimes, they will respond thoughtfully, telling me that maybe everybody has these experiences, and for some reason I actually notice them. Maybe I try and add deeper meaning to them. That has the ring of truth to it, and I take it to heart. This psychological phenomenon even has a name, Pareidolia.

Two nights before I first noticed this weird image in my eye, I did something I do often. I slept out under the stars deep in the backountry of Joshua Tree National Park. I asked the universe for help, and then I went to sleep. I’ve had some powerful results to this kind of request, but I awoke that morning with out any dreams. But less than 24 hours later I saw this image. Am I projecting too much meaning onto something totally normal? Undoubtely.

Also, I had just spent two days at Whitley Strieber’s DREAMLAND conference. William Henry had a really cool presentation (with LOTS of images) about how there are clues in ancient texts and paintings that man can achieve a light-body. He had multiple images of Jesus and Buddha in a rainbow ring, or halo - or a star gate.

And this little face seemed to have that exact same colorful ring around it. Now I’m making an analogy to this little face and Jesus. Am I spiraling into some delusional place of false self importance? I don’t think so, I just thought it was really interesting.

Just so y'know, when I first saw that glimmering little face, out on the grass in a park in Pasadena, my initial reaction was: “Damn! Now I’m gunna have to draw this thing and put it on my stupid blog, and everybody will think I've gone totally nuts!”

Part of me wanted to delete this post, and I almost did, until I received this comment:

"If more people reported their personal observations of the many crazy things I suspect we all experience, I think we'd agree to collectively broaden our limitations on what constitutes sanity. As most choose silence due to fear of judgment, our perceptions of what is normal or even possible from other human beings is censored and distorted."

YES! What she said! If only people as a collective whole could all agree to just stop ignoring "it," --think how much higher up the ladder of consciousness we'd all be.

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Part ONE to this story inked HERE

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Follow up:

As of December 9th I can no longer find the same image in my eyesight. I still have the effect from the cataracts in my right eye, but it doesn't look like a face anymore. It now looks like nothing more than a swirling blur.

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image within my eye

I drew the curious image as a way to try understand what I've seen. I was recently (and repeatedly) confronted with this little face. You can double click on the illustration for a high-rez view.

I am writing this with a real-deal feeling of uneasiness because it’s just so bizarre. Sharing this strange story leaves me open to (justifiable) claims that I’m delusional, paranoid, fantasy prone or just plain lying. As I write this out, I am trying to be as honest and clear as I can be.

First I need to fill you in on my eyes themselves. During the summer of ’08 I noticed some odd things in my sight, later an optometrist diagnosed me with cataracts on my right eye.

Here's a photo of my eye, taken in the doctors office, and you can see the small imperfections centered in my pupil.
Those little tiny dots are cataracts. Presently it's minimal and not much of an issue, sometimes I see a blurry halo around lights at night.

Here's how I saw the distinct image of the little face.

Last week I was laying on my back in a park in Pasadena California. It was a lovely afternoon, the sun was shining and my face was pointed upwards. You know how when you lie out in the sunshine with your eyes closed, there is a warm pink glow in your vision, you can see the light through your eyelids. Right then I was seeing that. Then I squinted, just slightly opening my eyes, because I am always amazed at the psychedelic imagery that appears as the sunshine filters thru my eyelashes. I get this curious "lens flare" and optical "blooms" that play out brilliantly in my relaxed state of concentration. Does this make sense?

Since the cataracts appeared in my right eye, these halo type blooms are slightly distorted, they show up as a doughnut shape, rather than a true circle of light. I’ve noticed this often in the last year. And as I lay out in sunshine in that park I saw, quite clearly, the image of a little face in the center of this optical effect!

I was enthralled, and I could distinctly focus on it. What I saw was much more psychedelic than I the drawing posted above. There was a vivid rainbow of colors all warped in a halo around this perfectly-defined little face.

It seemed a little bit scull like, and at the same time, it had that big-eyed alien look too.

And - strangely - it looked like ME! Bald, with big eyes. The image seemed to have big side burns too! (Okay, this is the part where you can accuse me of being delusional! ) When I do self portraits, I always seem to draw myself with giant wide-eyes. So, in a strange way, this seemed like a weirdly personal caricature.

Everything below the head was a distorted set of swirls, but to me, it looked like the tiny figure was seated in the lotus position.

Yes, I recognize how crazy this seems, and just so you know I am the type of person to see vibrant impressions of faces in clouds. I have a wood grain ceiling above my bed, and I can pick out lions, bunnies and human figures in the abstract lines. I realize I am projecting all kinds of drama into this, but this face REALLY looks like a face.

A few days later, I purposely lay myself down in Moab Utah and looked up into the sun, and it was there again, clear as can be.

Yesterday, to draw this image, I lay on my floor in my living room with a clipboard and a pencil. I faced into the sun as it shone thru a window with the same squinted eyes, and again, I saw the vivid little face. Actually drawing this image was a funny thing to attempt. I would get the image in my field of view, and then sit up and frantically draw it out, then I would lay down again, fix the image in my eye and repeat the process. I drew it with a pencil, and then later used my computer to add the color. It was difficult to render, like trying to capture the sparkling refractions in a Coke bottle back lit by a bright light.

Here’s the original pencil drawing.

Each time I’ve looked for it, the imagery has been very clear. To see it, I need to close my left eye completely. I don't need to focus on anything, it seems to be in focus all by itself. I just need to hold my head steady, and keep my gaze still. It's nothing fleeting - it's in there!

My color drawing is as exact as I feel I can be as I attempt to capture it. The real image (that only I can see) is much more psychedelic. The colorful swirling effect is due to some subtle prism refraction. It is not the result of a meditative vision, it's REALLY in there!

When I look at my drawing I see the face as a scull (or an alien, or even a demon), the drawing is decidedly darker than what I see when I look into the sun. The face I see within my own eye seems (to me) to be profoundly neutral. The drawing is, to me, quite accurate. I can’t show anyone what I am truly seeing, so this colorful sketch will have to suffice.

Believe me, I completely recognize that I am projecting big time with this. I mean, a tiny flaw on the lens of my eye creates a curious little face - and I write a 900 word essay on it? On some level, this is downright paranoid. I don't wanna go so far as to call it a mystical experience, but it is interesting, at least to me.

Also, I can’t help but think how I’m playing the role of the fool in all this. Believe me, I know it ain’t wise to look into the sun.

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As of December 9th 2009, I can no longer find the same image in my eyesight. I still have the effect from the cataracts in my right eye, but it doesn't look like a face anymore. It now looks like a swirling blur.

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Part TWO to this story linked HERE

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Even more, sacred geometry linked HERE
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Mac Tonnies shares a remarkable set of ideas

a very cute photo of Mac Tonnies

Less than a month ago, Mac was a guest on Coast to Coast AM with George Noory. He was a breath of fresh air on a radio show bogged down with the dubious. During his time on the air, he clearly and engagingly explained his take on a wide variety of subjects. As always, he spoke with remarkable clarity.
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One-click download HERE:

a 30 minute audio excerpt of an interview with Mac Tonnies on Coast to Coast

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He was a welcome guest on a wide variety of esoteric podcasts, but his performance on C2C was particularly impressive. He beautifully conveys his insights to a very mainstream audience. He had a way of articulating EXACTLY what I felt in my bones. He said it better and clearer than I ever could.

Mac covers a lot in this first half hour, a great intro to anyone unfamiliar with his work. If you listen, you'll be treated to a remarkable set of ideas.

Mac Tonnies, dead at 34

Mac Tonnies, my friend, is now dead.

He was found in his apartment on Thursday October 22.

Mac was one of a kind. A brilliant thinker, very funny and a beautiful speaker. I'm crying in a coffee shop in Moab as I write this. Try and understand this, but I needed Mac to reassure me that I wasn't delusional or insane. He got some desperate calls from me, late at night, during my moments of darkness. He was enormously supportive of me and my confusing issues.

A little over a week ago he called me out of the blue. We would occasionally have ridiculously long talks about UFOs and the paranormal. This was the first time he ever called me. We talked for about 3 hours (as usual). I shared some deeply personal stuff, and he was supportive and humorous.

Mac and I never met in person, but I considered him a close friend.

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Joshua Tree California

From L to R. Starfire Tor, William Henry, Anne Striber, Whitley Strieber and Brandon Scott (the Magician)

The Dreamland event in Joshua Tree just ended, and I'm writing this from a groovy little health food store just down the highway from the retreat center. It was really interesting, I've been awash in synchronicities (like THIS! check out the two stories back-to-back). Gotta let it all sink in before I write anything.

But, it was held in the funny complex of buildings built by Frank Lloyd Wright and his son in the late 40's. A weird mix of super-groovy low slung buildings suffering from a dusty sort of decay after 60 years of the desert sun.

believing vs knowing

In the last few weeks I’ve been at the receiving end of a singular message. It’s been showing up over and over and over. There’s been an intense cast of characters who’ve shown up in my life (and even I’ve paid a few of ‘em) and each one has been hitting me over the head with this message.

Here’s what I’m hearing: I need to move on, and quit wallowing in my wishy-washy state of self-doubt. I need to deal with this. The time of wavering is over.

It feels like the universe is no longer nudging me to change, it's kicking me!

Miriam Delicado shared her insights during our audio interview:

She said, “I went thru that stage for a really REALLY long time. Is this real? Is it happening? What does it mean? It’s a real denial that you have to get over at some point. And you eventually come into a really calm clearness over your experiences and what it is that you know within yourself. That's the beauty of it, it forces you to look at all those different areas of who you are.”

Then I ask: “And when is this gunna happen? I’m very eager for this!” And we both laugh.

This was followed by a Tarot reading with gifted researcher, William Henry. He spoke in metaphor (something that I really love) using the imagery from the upturned Tarot cards as a way to visualize where I am in my life, right now and to emphasize the change that's required.

Images like a ship leaving the harbor, sunrise, the birth canal, the caterpillar leaving the cocoon and (in true new age terms) he said it was time to change my resonance.

I also had two long phone chats with David Huggins, and we spoke at length about the difference between believing and knowing. David talked to me in his calm clear way about his life journey, and how believing is a cushion, something that pads him from a deeper experience. He talked about how simply believing was somehow incomplete and it created anxiety in his life. At some point he changed, he understood that his experiences were real, and he entered a phase of knowing, and everything has been much more peaceful since that fundamental shift.

And then came the events of last Saturday night, a week to the day as I write this. This was the frenzied back and forth emails between me and my new pal Stacey. This was a whack across my head because gentle prodding wasn’t working.

Here’s what I wrote to Stacey later in the week: I saw an owl tonight while on my bike in town.

It crossed my path.

And - Last night I spoke on the phone with David Huggins. He carefully described his personal turning point. He went from believing in his experiences - to knowing. It was really moving for me, almost a pep talk (or maybe a sort of instruction manual).

Stacey replied to me “Yes going from believing to knowing is a milestone. I have no idea when that moment was for me. I know longer ‘believe’, I know, and this the difference...I am so thankful for everyday.”

All this seemed to culminate in a psychic reading with Marla Frees. We spoke for over an hour last Sunday, and this could be it’s own novel. But she was very clear that I needed to move on. I need to accept all this stuff that, deep down, I already know. This time of uncertainty needs to end.

I spent last week in a state of self examination. I’m aware that all these ongoing synchronicities, the theme of this whole blog, all seem to be nudging me (or kicking me) in one singular direction: To move beyond a mode of thinking that no longer serves me.

Now, all this implies that there is something before me, just one step farther down the path. Something that I’m capable of embracing, and that can change me. But what that might be - I truly don’t know.

more owl weirdness

my shamanic guru

Yesterday I had an onslaught of synchronicities involving an email exchange with a complete stranger. Lots of little threads that seem to connect up to everything.

Sharing this experience will require some patience, because there are a lot of details, and the story ends up being sorta long.

It started when I stumbled on a blog named, strangely enough, SYNCHRONICITY. The title seemed intriguing, and I scrolled down and read a posting titled The Owl and the Money Clip. The story was really curious, and well worth checking out. I figured I would leave a comment, partially to share my owl stories as a link to this blog (yes, an ego thing). I added a short comment, the thirteenth under that heading.

I read thru the other comments and this one catches my attention.

A woman named Stacey writes:

... a couple years ago I had the privilege to spend time in a giant owls "nest" for lack of a better word, with over thirty barn and horned owls watching me...it was one of the most profound moments of my life!

Over thirty owls? Now this perked my interest!

This seemed curious because I had included a written request at the end of a a recent blog posting on my latest owl sightings.

Just a few days ago I asked:

"My question to anyone out there: Has anyone ever seen adult owls in groups of three (or five)?"

So - I ask a question, and I get a whollp of an answer. I click on Stacey's little picture, and I get sent to her profile page, I click on her contact info, and fire off an email.

I write:

Stacey, I gotta ask about that story. Here's why I’m asking. For reasons unknown, I have been awash in owls this summer (and in the last few years) and its been really strange. I'll add that I have my own blog dedicated to my own paranormal and synchronistic events ... I wrote about seeing a big crew of owls on my blog, and it’s dedicated to synchronicity. I am intrigued!

Later that same day she replies:

How nice to hear from you. I went to your post and it was lovely. Owls are amazing and I have spent time with a few of them ... LOL! I have just posted my story about the owls on my blog. Check it out ... I'd love to hear your thoughts.

So, I go to her blog and read her owls story, and the text is written in a way that's overtly mysterious. Here's a short excerpt:

Above me, I heard a flutter. I looked up. A shadow flew. I felt I was being watched. I looked around for what it was. What was watching me? Then I saw it. A geisha faced owl staring down at me. We contemplated each other until another rustle distracted me. I slowly turned in a circle staring up into the canopy of trees, baring witness to several owls camouflaged in the leaves keeping a watchful eye. There were too many to count. I had stumbled upon a holy shrine and I was the initiate.

[read the entire posting here]

The short little story was filled with mythic images (some real, some metaphorical) of a black beetle, an altar, divine guidance, a holy shrine, a friend named Christian, the longing for a first kiss and a baptism in mysticism. Now, I’m REALLY intrigued!

Here's the final line of the short essay:

It is said that owls are guardians of the after life and their nocturnal nature is a symbol of inner knowing. People are often called to their power animals because they share a mutual energy. With the doors of perception opened, perhaps I had been brought to the owls as a reminder of my intuitive powers and to be shown I was already riding the wave, I had just lost sight of it.

Immediately, I added a comment to HER blog:

Stacey, you said you saw a lot of owls in one spot. My request ... Please, tell me more. For some reason, my life has been inundated with owls lately. I can't quite understand it. There is something SO mystical about an owl, that I can't help but try and see the event as some sort of premonition - or divine message.

I'll also add, there is a scary alien abduction movie (due out soon) that features a lot of owls in the trailer, followed up with "Those aren't owls!" (The Fourth Kind).

Within minutes, I got this directly in my email in-box:

Hi Mike ... Later that night Christian and I saw a "UFO"... I left that part of the story out ... I can't believe your comment ... that is hilarious! Maybe they are connected!

I reply instantaneously:

What?!?!? You saw a UFO - the same night as the OWLS?????

Okay - My Blog is all about my UFO experiences! And the owls are intertwined with my experiences ... I will add this email to my long list of odd coincidences...

Just so you know, this has been EXACTLY the kind of stuff that has been happening to me. Especially this funny email meeting. Up to my reply, there was NOTHING about UFOs in any of our correspondence.

Now - You kinda need to fill me in on the UFO sighting (Pleeeeease) - this is really interesting.

Then Stacey replies with a short narrative explaining her UFO sighting:

So funny! You are so surprised and excited I love it. Nothing shocks me. I believe in EVERYTHING.

So to add to the story ... (after seeing the owls) Well into the night and with the veils of perception solidly back in place, we left. I drove. We were back on the two-way highway when I saw what looked like a streetlight up ahead but as we approached it, I realized the light wasn’t attached to anything and then it flew over our heads.

“It landed back there,” Christian said as his head snapped back around and his eyes lit up like he had just seen a ghost.

“What was it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want to stop?”

“Yeah.”

I stopped the car and backed into a vacant lot that was used for selling produce during the harvest season. It was pitch black and we were out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by olive groves. As we got out of the car Christian asked, “If they want to take us would you go?”

“Yes, as long as time stood still,” I said not sure if it were true.

We walked down the middle of the two-lane highway cloaked in darkness when we heard a loud rumble like a semi-truck heading straight for us. We looked at each and ran for our lives back to the car. As I opened my car door whatever-it-was flew over our heads and then vanished into thin air.

We got back in the car and drove away, gazing out into the night sky where it had been. We were silent, not knowing what we had just seen and thinking it was too fantastical to be named. Naming it, owned it and we weren’t ready to own it. As we got back on the Interstate Five, Christian put his hand on my shoulder. It felt familiar like it had been there my entire life. I felt supported and loved beyond a first kiss like we had been married for years. Christian fell asleep and I wondered how many dragons he’d slain that day.

So funny, I thought I was abducted the other night...it happens all the time.

My friend Marla (who interviews for Whitley Streiber on Unknowncountry) has great stories to tell ... she's tapped in.

I reply:

Okay - this is getting strange.

First - I am going to have a phone session with Marla Frees tomorrow! And you bring her up in this email!

On my blog, a few days ago, I posted an audio interview with an abductee (contactee? experiencer?) named Miriam and Marla calls in the background, you can hear her voice, I was on skype, and she called my land-line. I laughed and said, "Okay, this is another synchronicity"

Second - I wanna ask more about the UFO event, but email is a funny forum for that. I may bug you in the future. I'm having such intense deja vu that I am not sure what I'm trying to say. Did you ever post that text about Christian putting his hand on your shoulder anywhere on the net? I feel like I've read it before...

There are a lot of mythic details that make me so intrigued! Olive trees? Owls? Christian (a curious and fitting name), dragons slain, harvest season and time standing still.

Finally - You wrote - "So funny, I thought I was abducted the other night...it happens all the time." So - This happens all the time? But why isn't it in you blog?

At this point I’m wigging out, and Stacy takes it in stride, here’s her response:

That is great ...You are going to love Marla. I don't blog about all this "stuff" because my audience isn't there yet ... My friend Christian is a great guy who is also on the leading edge of all this stuff. How strange we have met through here ... and that you’re speaking with Marla tomorrow.

We sent a few more back-and-forth emails where I encourage (chide?) her to write about her UFO experiences. For some reason, it feels really important that she share these stories. She says she’s thought about it, and I read between the lines and I get the impression that there has been a lot of paranormal activity in her life.

This entire email exchange was just too interesting. There is a long laundry list of mythic plot points that fascinate me - Owls, UFO's, Marla Frees, abduction, Whitley Strieber and her overt religious symbolism.

And ultimately, I am simply amazed at the funny happenstance of me contacting her from a tiny reply you made on another blog that I had never seen before - until I stumbled on it yesterday morning. One more experience with the internet to make me believe (even more strongly) that it has a mystical power all it’s own.
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I encourage folks to read Stacey's blog ( staceyjwarner.blogspot.com ). I was pretty clear that I thought she should write more about her paranormal experiences. I hope my goading pays off!
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A list of relevant links:
Marla Frees web-site
My postings about Owls
Regan Lee writing about Owls
Chris Knowles writing about Owls

Please note, some of the dialog in the back-and-forth emails has been edited slightly for clarity.
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Okay, there's more. On Oct 6th Stacey wrote about these same experiences in her blog, Stacey's Respite. There is a little more to the story, and I'll let her tell it. Let me add that this whole event has be positively magical. The session with Marla was, well, overwhelming in it's intense divinity. (yes, I know that sounds corny, but it's true)

This story ain't over...

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Follow up on Oct 27th.

This morning, I saw that the website SYNCHRONICITY did a posting on this nutty owl story. And, (adding to the coincidences) Stacey and I both added comments (pretty much) simultaneously. When I saw the posting, she hadn't commented yet, and I promptly wrote a (long winded) comment, and when I posted it, she had already added hers!

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