the universe answers my plea

I’m in the midst of a very curious event, and I’m posting it, right now, as it’s unfolding.

I’ve been searching for answers, and something that seems to provide some insight involves me sleeping out under the stars. I’ve been going out into the mountains, alone, with the sole intent of asking the Universe for help. Yes, I know this sounds corny, but please keep reading.

Before I fall asleep, I’ll lay in my sleeping bag and I’ll ask out loud. I do this periodically, and I almost always get some sort of curious reply. It started in the form of VERY vivid dreams, and some are posted on this blog. Sometimes I’ll wake up, no dreams, nothing curious at all, but before noon I’ll find some other synchronistic event that seems to match my questioning. This post about the neuron-like nature of the internet is a good example, and it adds a deeper layer to this story.

Lately, I’ve been bringing a tiny hand held voice recorder. I’ll sit in my sleeping bag and record my appeal to the Universe. If I have a vivid dream in the night, I can record it as soon as I wake up.

Two days ago (Wed. July 29th) I hiked into the Tetons alone, I live close by, and I can get in quick. I just walk until it gets dark, and then I set up my sleeping bag. I know the weather around here, and I rarely set up a shelter.

Recently (and its an ongoing theme in this blog) I have been feeling lost and adrift. I’ve been trying to articulate my insecurities about what I’m dealing with, and it’s implications. It’s created a form of fatigue that is oppressive and confusing, and I’m tired of it. I want some answers.

As I hiked into the mountains on Wednesday afternoon, I rehearsed my speech, my appeal. I did this out loud. Is this prayer? I guess, maybe.

I feel comfortable hiking off-trail, and at about 10,000 feet this gets easy, you come out above tree-line and the terrain is open and lovely. I picked a direction (east) and just kept going, the sun was setting as I found an area just big enough to set my sleeping bag down. A little ledge of sorts, tucked in next to a little sub-alpine fir. There was a trickling spring nearby, and I was provided with a spectacular view of a canyon that sees visitors only rarely. I was perched above it, on a small platform of granite, watching the sun setting (in a blaze of orange) and the half moon rising. It was about 9:30 when I found my home for the night.

I ate a little something, I brushed my teeth, arranged my pad and climbed into my sleeping bag. Before zipping myself in, I spoke into my little digital audio recorder.

Yes, I recognize how perfectly mushy and New-Agey I sound. 

But this exactly reflects my deepest feeling, right then. 1 minute, 34 seconds.

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I woke up the next morning just a little before dawn. No dreams, nothing. I packed up my gear and kept going up in the calm blue-gray of the pre-dawn light. I hiked along a really pretty ridge system as the sun came up, climbed a nice peak, and then turned around, heading west, and made my way (off trail) back to my car. I got to the parking lot at about noon, and back to my house at about 1:PM.

 I open my email account and my heart literally stops. There, on my screen, was a Facebook friend request from Mike Lewis (a pseudonym for privacy). Okay - let me fill you in, Mike Lewis was with me in 1974 as we walked home on a friday night from a high school football game. If my memory is correct, at about 9:30 in the evening, we saw a strange orange flash in the sky, and I arrived home at about 11:30. Together, as best as I can figure, we experienced about 2 hours of missing time. (see this posting for more details).

I've been searching for Mike Lewis for the last three years. Unfortunately, I’ve found a large number of folks with this very common name, but I’ve been to scared to follow up and try to contact him. The last time we saw each other was probably high school graduation in 1980, that’s 29 years ago. The time of the incoming email from Mike Lewis was 9:38 PM, pretty close to the same time I spoke my emotional plea into that little recorder from my sleeping bag.

I ask the Universe for help and it answers me. This is a repeat of the single most important story on this blog. Please read the events surrounding Cindy Gail, and her reappearance in my life. The orange Flash and missing time took place in Cindy Gail front yard. The Facebook friend request. The exactness of the time. And both are an overt answer to a deep need in me. Okay - as I write this I am a little bit freaked-out.

Why can’t this feel peaceful and fun? Instead it’s welling up as a stifling quandary.

My next task as a human on planet earth is to “confirm this friend request.” But I’m frozen and scared. More soon.

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Added text on Sept. 3rd 2009

I have replied to the friend request from Mike Lewis. I even had a film crew in the room as I sent the note. Since that point, we've sent a few short notes back and forth. Just pleasantries. There will be a day when I ask him about that night in 1974, but it hasn't happened yet.

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Added text on Jan. 16th 2010

I've just posted a dream where Mike Lewis makes a very curious appearance.

a sister blogger (another one)

A few days ago I received a comment on a posting I wrote on St. Paddy's Day, it was from another blogger. For some reason, I was fascinated by her comments. I searched a little, found her site, read some of her work, sent her a note and soon we were emailing back and forth.

This is yet another blog where the author shares personal paranormal experiences, including UFO sightings and their heavy-handed implications. (Someday, I need to make a list of these blogs) I am still at a loss at how to label these experiences. Is she an abductee? Contactee? Experiencer?

The title of her ongoing blog is: IN A WORLD CRACKING OPEN - Endings & Beginnings.

She goes by the pen name Lucretia Heart, and her story is rich, complicated and utterly bizarre. Having been looking at this subject, long and hard, I gotta say most of the stuff in her story seems to match things I’ve heard, either in print or from people sharing these stories with me directly.

I was utterly drawn to this posting. Here’s how the story begins:

Late September 2006, at about 2 am, a strange, blond man, tall, broad shouldered, and handsome, walked right into our living room in the middle of the night. We were up and alert at the time because someone had awakened us out of a dead sleep by rapping loudly on our bedroom window. A few minutes later, while my husband, Gerick, and I were shakily trying to figure out what was going on, Big Blond Guy just opened up our front door and strode on in!

I knew him and his name was Ethan...

Bizarre things had been occurring ever since we moved into that cabin out in the Ohio woods: Grey alien visitations, poltergeist phenomena, and several close-up UFO sightings. It had been an interesting year, to say the least! But this walk-in by a tall blond dude was altogether a bigger deal, and I knew it.

Many years before, Gerick and I and several other abductees we knew of were apparently put on some sort of 'stand-by' status. We were all told the same thing: that we were prepared and ready now, so we'd mostly be left alone (except for brief check-ups) until "it was time."

Time for what? For something to start. Something big. Something that had to do with the whole world changing. . .

NOTE: This story has been featured in JAR Quarterly
(Journal of Abduction-Encounter Research)

Mike replies...
I’ll add that 2006 seems to be the year that I began to become more preoccupied with the subject. My interest had been simply the stuff of curiosity, a subject that I followed. But, from this point on (about 2006) it turned into an obsession, and heavy-handed synchronicities began to invade my life.

Here are two more postings from my sister blogger. To me, these follow up stories are an important addition to the Ethan story.

Lucretia writes, The Hippie Visitor:

(she shares this) The following I wrote before meeting a guy named "Ethan" in a 2006 experience. I don't think they're the same guy-- but I could be wrong. I'm still confused about this one...

Mike replies...
Anyone who has read SIGHT UNSEEN by Budd Hopkins will immediately be reminded of the mysterious Mr. Page. The stories are eerie in their similarities.

Lucretia writes, A Letter To "Ethan"

I'm not sure what I'm trying to do here, exactly. I suppose I'm trying to imagine that if there were a way to communicate to "Ethan" (or whatever that mysterious yet familiar guy's name was who visited us in late September of 2006) I would dearly like to do so and would. I guess this is an exercise of my wishful imagination. But IF I could write to him, and have him read my writing, this is what I would like to say to that Angel/Alien/Faerie who came that night...

Mike concludes...
I could have made this post a LOT longer. My communications with Lucretia has been a tightly woven web of links to other ongoing synchronicities, including: The Irish, women with long red hair, the number 33, tall Nordic beings, Budd Hopkins and a deep premonition about our future.

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curious time code on podcasts

I had an odd experience in the final days of February of this year. It started during the drive home from Lauglin Nevada, after spending a week at a UFO Conference. This was not a peaceful time for me, I was struggling and conflicted and trying to make sense of my memories. The dilemma of what to do next in my life was oppressive and real. During that week of being locked in a creepy casino, I confided in a lot of folks at the event and the consistent feedback I got was that I should talk more openly about my experiences.

I was dealing with these confusing emotions as I was driving my Subaru North out of Salt Lake City. As I approached the Idaho border and I was listening to my iPod, and the thing was set on shuffle, and instead of a song, THE PARACAST comes on. It was the two hour episode with Dr. Leo Sprinkle. Great, I was stuck in the car and could spend the time really listening. I had heard it before, and I though it was really interesting, so I made an effort to pay attention.

Leo is a sweet articulate guy, with a take on this subject that seems to mirror mine in a lot of ways. And, he even looks like me!

At one point in the discussion, Leo brings up my name, and lemme tell you - I was paying close attention at that point. He and the host, David Biedny, talk about my dilemma. Leo sums up my emotional state in a few brief sentences. And then David shares his insights, and he takes a few moments to articulate his feelings about my credibility.

During this drive I was trying to sort out a lot of emotional stuff in my head. It had become clear that I was going to need to start sharing my experiences with people. I had a plan to invite a couple of friends over and to let them in on all this stuff, I trust these two folks, and I wanted to gage their reaction. I though I could even play them this little excerpt from the PARACAST where my credibility gets praised.

So I pause the thing and make an effort to note the time on the iPod display where my name gets mentioned. Now, trying to do this and drive on a busy interstate isn’t easy, but I can see the time marker reads 1:23:45.

Okay, that’s a little odd. Anyway, it’s a very easy number to remember, and I plan on reviewing it at home, when I’m not driving 80 miles per hour. For the remaining few hours of the drive, this weird detail sort of bugs me.

When I get home, I immediately turn on my computer and make a frantic effort to find that episode where Leo mentions my case.

I’ve transcribed it below, and I’ve noted EXACTLY where the 1:23:45 fits into Leo’s comments.

* Paracast Jan. 18th 2009 *

David (host):
In my personal experiences, there are aspects of high strangeness that that have happened to me, in my experiences, that make me skeptical of my own experiences. Truly. And this has become a dilemma for me in my middle age. This has become a problem.

Leo (guest):
Same thing that Mike Clelland tells about himself, that he feels in a dilemma because on the one hand he knows he's had his experiences, (1:23:45) but on the other hand he cant reconcile that with what's going on around him and so it puts him in an awkward situation philosophically.

David:
Absolutely.

The synchronistic time fits right where Leo contemplates the two conflicting set of issues I’m dealing with. The relevant quote is: “...on the one hand he knows he’s had his experiences, (1:23:45) but on the other hand he can’t reconcile that...”

The curious time is exactly in between the the two contradictory sides of my present quandary. Weird.

Okay - I’m at the desk, looking at my transcript, and feeling like I’ve discovered a little clue in this bizarre issue.

I realize I was interviewed for an hour on another episode of THE PARACAST, and it’s in my iTunes library, so I scroll down to that, and I find the same time count of 1:23:45.

Here’s the excerpt below.

* Paracast Nov. 16th 2008 *

Mike C:
“I remember waking up and there was a bright light filling the room, and my first thought was that it was the light in the driveway was on. So I sat up in bed, and I have a small illustration of this posted, I sat up in bed and I looked out the window and I remember seeing (1:23:45) quite clearly, five, spindly, gray aliens with the big bald heads and the big black eyes standing outside my window.”

This event of seeing these images out my window has been another really heavy handed quandary for me. I really have a hard time believing in the truth of this memory. I shared this story with a fellow named Paul Davids during my time in Laughlin, and he was understandably fascinated. But I felt like I was leading him on, like I was lying by saying I saw this. It bothered me, the memory is SO weird, that it’s impossible to trust. During this entire process I have tried to be as honest as possible about how I present these memories, and this one in particular is so unbelievable that I’m awash in doubt.

And again, the curious moment of the time count shows up at a very relevant point. I said: “I remember seeing (1:23:45) quite clearly...”

How much weight should I give these elusive little synchronicities?

Yes, I recognize how flighty all this seems. There was a frantic sort of compulsion as I looked into all of this, and there doesn’t seem to be any real point here. I worry that I’m turning into a paranoid weirdo seeing mystical patterns in all these numbers.

The only thing I can think of is what Leo says about synchronicities, that it’s a message to stay on the path.

It feels like a little whispering voice telling me to pay attention.

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Text added June 29th 2010:

Another bit of synchro-groovyness HERE! That stretch of interstate north of Salt Lake City (and my iPod) seems to have more to tell me!

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my left nostril

For your viewing enjoyment, my nose. (photo Oct. 2008)

Please note that I have a funny little scar on my left nostril. It's right on the edge, and a little bit up in there. I have absolutly no idea where it came from.

Yes, I know, it's kinda strange to post such an extreme close-up, and I apologize for the weirdness. It's an unsettling image, with my little hairs, unshaven upper lip, and my sun damaged splotchy pink skin.

Anyway - I plainly have a tiny scar in my left nostril. It just showed up one day about (maybe) between 7 and 9 years ago. I vaguely remember when the scar appeared, maybe 2000 or so. There was a sore spot in my nose, and I remember looking in a mirror and realizing that there was a little razor like slit, maybe 1/8 of an inch long, and it was irritated and swollen. I dismissed it as an ingrown hair.

I had a girlfriend a while back (maybe 6 years ago) who was close enough to my nose to ask: "Where did that come from?"

My response was, "Uhhh, it's from an ingrown hair."

She replied (quite definitively): "No it's not!"

And - I immediately felt really frightened, and odd response.

* * *

PLEASE KNOW: I did a tiny bit of photoshop enhancing. Mostly to erase some stray hairs. I played with the contrast to highlight the scar. So, this is NOT "raw", it has been re-touched, slightly. I still have the raw image, if anyone feels the need to see it. It's pretty much exactly the same.
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Text added Oct. 30th 2009
A few weeks back I met a doctor at a UFO conference. I asked him to look at the small scar in my nostril. I tipped my head back and he got in close. He simply replied that it might be due to a small staff infection below the skin. It may have produced the scaring that is presently visible.

I suspect he is probably right. Maybe the little scar really is the result of an ingrown hair?

This post and the photo may mean nothing, but it does point to one thing. I'm obviously paranoid, and finding a scar on my nose is quite unnerving considering the implications of other memories and events. Am I overly suspicious about mundane things? Undoubtedly - yes.

crop circle synchronicities

a big map of Kansas and three points along a line

This story, told by my sister blogger in a video format, is strangely similar to my experience.

I had a thought that my little community needed a crop circle, and it appeared that night in a wheat field near by. It was a simple thing, just a nice thought.

Here's an excerpt form a prevous blog posting:
It was mid-day (summer 2002) and I was at my desk ... and I had this sudden flash. I thought to myself: We need a crop circle here, that would be so fun ... This thought just emerged in my mind out of nowhere ...

The next day, I saw a friend on the street here in Driggs. We chatted for a little while and then she offhandedly added, “You know that a crop circle appeared in Teton last night.”

This was the day when I met Stace at this set of circles. And she saw a silvery disc above the formation.

And, for those hard core paranormalist out there, what was that curious flash at the 3:oo mark?

Read Stace's comments at her blog.

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PLEASE NOTE:

This video sent me on that wild ride where I obsessively looked into my own MAP weirdness.

Chris Knowles conversation

Modern mythology, alternate history and pop-cult symbology.

This post has a MP3 audio file. This is NOT a podcast, and I am NOT a podcaster. I just recorded this conversation and I figured I would transcribe a few questions. We ended up talking for two-hours. At the end, I thought the discussion was interesting, and relevant. So, you get the whole thing.

two hours / recorded July 3rd 2009

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Christopher Knowles writes an amazing blog, THE SECRET SUN where he investigates the profound themes that are emerging in our popular culture. He has a really compelling take on the (not-so-subtle) subconscious goings-on within the soup of our modern culture. I referenced his blog on my site before. I gotta say, I'm kind of addicted to his site, and I really scrutinize his writings, and sometimes there is stuff he unravels that just has the ring of truth.

Chris is the author of OUR GODS WEAR SPANDEX: The Secret History of Comic Book Heroes, a really insightful book about the parallels between ancient mythologies and modern comic books.

Also the co-author of The Complete X-Files: Behind the Series, the Myths, and the Movies, published by Insight Editions.

I started with 3 simple questions. I figured we would just answer these, I’d say thanks and I transcribe them and post them as text. Well, the conversation ended up being almost two hours long. I’ve included what I had written down to ask.

Questions for Chris:

1. I’ve read a bunch of your work, and you are working to define a mythic under current in our present day society, and you focus on pop culture. What are you finding?

2. You analyze movies for their mythic significance, and I really relate to your conclusions. Do you think there are a bunch of Hollywood script writers sitting around a conference table saying: “Let’s find a bunch of heavy handed mythological imagery and sneak it into this corny movie.”

Is this the reality? Or, is it something stranger. Is this stuff just welling up from some hidden place?

3. This question is self-serving on my part. In the last 3 years or so, I’ve had such overt and heavy handed synchronicities and they are all pushing me in one direction. This force seems to be pushing me to openly explore my own experiences, and it’s a jumble of UFO stuff, weird coincidences and dreams.

I would love to get your take on this, any thoughts on what I’m dealing with?

The answers were long, and lead to other questions, and we could never really answer anything. The circular process of pondering was extremely illuminating, and the conversation left me with a deeper set of insights, but the mystery remains.

I'll add that whenever I really get immersed in the SECRET SUN's postings, I end up with a weird zap on my head. And I suddenly find all these intense connections and clues, it's like I can sense the spiderweb just beyond my conscious perceptions.

- and -

During the conversation, Chis states that he's kept a journal of his personal synchronicities. When I asked him about this and wanted a rough number of how many, he paused - collected his thoughts - and then said, "Tens of thousands."

Now THAT peaked my interest!
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During our conversation we reference a few things (links below):

Return of the Archons, a STAR TREK episode from 1967 with deep roots in anciet esoteric knowlledge. Chris says it's, "Gnostic as hell!"

Chris sees a terrifying little entity at the foot of his bed: The Leprechaun story.

Pushing Tin is a corny Hollywood movie with heavy-handed symbolism.

During our skype call I referred to a 5-minute Pixar animation as TAKEN, I got the title wrong - it's called LIFTED, it's a impressive piece of light entertainment. No dialog, it just assumes you know the whole story.

Nine-Eleven-Ten-Thirteen is a blog posting about the overt premonitions on the X-Files:

I recommend this excellent two part audio interview (better than mine) between Chris and Aeolus Kephas.

And, on St. Paddy's Day I felt like I was channeling Chris with this post about OWLS & SUPER MODELS.

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Modern mythology, alternate history and pop-cult symbology.

dialogue with "John Smith"

I’ve been in contact with five people. I’ve met all of them within the last year. All are between 46 and 48. Each have some odd life experiences, and some are, well - VERY odd. 

Of the people I’ve met, one goes by the name "John Smith." He is a materials scientist using a pseudonym to protect his identity at his work place. He had been having ongoing strange experiences that he's feels are some kind of program of alien abduction.

About John, a little over a year ago he found a small painful lump in his toe. He had conscious memories of a team of small gray aliens implanting the tiny object. He went to a podiatrist and requested an x-ray and asking for an opinion as to how to proceed. The person he went to was Dr. Roger Leir, who has been researching these extremely strange items for over a decade.

The object was eventually surgically removed with Dr. Leir assisting in the operating room. The tiny object was examined and the results were utterly bizarre. The lab report came back stating that the item was “meteoric” and upon closer examination, it was shown to contain carbon nano-tubes. 

John Smith is a scientist involved in the study and development of carbon nano-tubes.

These implants are a very strange part of an already very strange phenomenon. These are treated as quite dubious by a lot of researchers. I cannot even attempt to prove or disprove the conclusions of Dr. Leir. If his research is to be taken as genuinely legitimate, then we are dealing with a very strange mystery.

          *       *       * 

Just a few days ago, I was replying to an email from “John Smith” and while I was typing my cell phone rang. I answered, and it was him. I was working at an office, and I went outside so I wouldn’t need to worry about being guarded while talking in a room with other people.

I stood in the parking lot, and we talked for almost an hour.

He was articulating stuff that I feel at a deep level. He was just saying it out-loud, in a matter of fact tone.

I can’t do what he does, just SAY stuff. Instead, I’ll wrap any statement I make with words like “maybe” and “perhaps.” I just don’t trust myself enough to blurt out what I’m feeling. I don’t believe it in any kind of logical way, so I can’t say it.

He gently chided me on that, and said, if you know it’s so you really need to declare that, you are doing yourself a disservice by avoiding your truth. Easier said than done, for me anyway.

John makes some claims that are extremely challenging for me to believe, but - at some level - I find it’s the same thing I’m feeling. This is hard to articulate.

John and I met in person at a recent UFO conference. We had a few very intense conversations. We re-met in May through an on-line chat forum on Whitley Strieber's DREAMLAND web-site. After that we shared a bunch of emails, and I’ve assembled some of that dialog below. I’ve done a minimal amount of editing, mostly I’ve deleted anything too personal, and rearranged the order for clarity.

Mike C wrote: We met and talked at the UFO conference in Nevada in February. I’ve had a strange bit of weirdness, I've been meeting people our age (you and I are almost exactly the same age) with UFO experiences - AND - taking part in a documentary - AND - a history of depression.

John Smith replied: Hi Mike, I remember you! I'm glad you are getting your story out. I m not surprised we are the same age. There was a large "crop" of people like us in the early '60s, apparently.

Mike: When I came home from the conference in Nevada, I was in a state of deep anxiety. a weird (and unexplainable) compulsion (yes, that's the right word) to come forward with my story. I felt compelled to do something, it felt important (hard to articulate these feelings). And, like two days after getting home to Idaho - I started a BLOG where I share my experiences and memories.

John: Glad you started a Blog. That sort of thing is what the aliens want us to do these days. Yes, the main goal is the dissemination of the knowledge of the presence of extraterrestrials on Earth. They want publicity.

Mike: You spoke about a "crop" of people born in the 1960's, the implication is that there is a program (run by "them") of genetic alterations, that started back then. I've met a series of folks (you included) that seem to fit that "crop" and the checklist of similar life experiences is TOO much to be mere coincidence.

John: Yes, I have too. I seem to feel a connection to everyone I meet who is a fellow member. I think it is important that we help each other.

Mike: I've met a series of folks (you included) that seem to fit that "crop" and the checklist of similar life experiences is TOO much to be mere coincidence.

John: Yes, I have too. I seem to feel a connection to everyone I meet who is a fellow member. I think it is important that we help each other.

(a DREAMLAND forum member asks) John, what is the vintage of this "crop" that you and Mike are talking about?

John: 1955-1965

Mike: Have you met a bunch of these folks (this "crop")? Are you finding any kinship?

John: Yes, definitely. I felt a bond with you, and with all of the other people in the "crop". In my opinion, we have been genetically altered by the aliens. I have some proof of this from my own experiences.

Mike: What are your thoughts about this "crop" that seems to be emerging - right now.

John: Our crop seemed to have the function of shaking up human society with unconventional ideas, and to change the fossilized status quo. We are (mostly) highly intelligent, creative, somewhat psychic, suspicious of authority, attracted to unconventional pursuits, and have a somewhat rebellious nature.

         (Okay, it sure feels like he’s describing me)

Mike: Recently, I had a conversation with another fellow that seems to match this crop, and he and I pondered how similar our stories were. He’s been very vocal about his experiences, and he’s been sharing them publicly.

He said, (and I'm paraphrasing from memory) "My girlfriend asks me what I want out of this, what do I want back from sharing these stories. It's not that I expect anything back, I feel like I have no control about coming forward - I simply HAVE to do it."

John: We are told, telepathically, to do it by them. It is a compulsion, put into our minds.

Mike: That is EXACTLY how I feel! And I don't understand why.

         (This is the heart of my quandary. I worry about my sanity because of this oppressive feeling)

John: As I said, they want publicity, at this stage of their agenda.

Mike: There are enormous stresses with this stuff, true enough. But, at the same time, I think society is evolving in a way that speaking about these issues is not as "marginalizing" as it might have been a decade ago.

John: Yes, I think you're right. The more intelligent people among us are starting to accept this.

Mike: That said, it can still be VERY challenging.

John: Yes. There is still the potential for career and relationship damage, ridicule, and ... harassment if one speaks publicly about this subject. It is political dynamite.

Mike: After starting the BLOG, the weirdness MULTIPLIED. I'm not kidding, it's like the internet is a giant amplifier of synchronicities.

John: I agree. What kind of weirdness have you experienced? That synchronicity thing is alien involvement, all the way.

Mike: Huge thanks for being open with this stuff. As silly as it sounds, my sanity may depend on it. It feels important to share this stuff.

You speak of your experiences with a vast amount of insight, and knowledge. It goes way beyond simply saying: "I have some faint memories." (and that's where I'm at, just some fuzzy memories)

John: Thanks, I still need to remember a lot more, consciously, though. I began to get more conscious memories after starting hypnosis sessions. Have you tried it yet? I get a lot of unconscious memories, though, where I know I know things about the aliens and the phenomenon, and stuff that they have taught me, but often do not have conscious memories to go with the knowledge.

Mike: I have attempted hypnosis with four different hypnotherapists, and nothing has emerged. Mostly, I feel utterly blocked. I feel like the DVD player when the image gets frozen and I can't use the clicker to get past that one frame (in particular dealing with the ORANGE FLASH story).

John: You probably know some things they do not want talked about yet. I am mostly blocked from conscious memories, but not completely. If you ever do remember anything, don't be surprised if some of it disturbs you at first.

(a DREAMLAND forum member asks) Do abductees have higher rates of depression?

John: Yes, definitely. It causes all kinds of personal problems when you have a secret life, so totally unlike your normal one, which you only remember bits and pieces of.

Whitley Strieber replies to the same question: [About abductees having higher rates of depression] They almost have to. I know that, by about 1993, I was very seriously contemplating suicide, not because of the abductions but because of the way society had responded, calling me a liar, laughing at me, etc.

Mike: The depression aspect of this phenomenon is a very real pattern (from my anecdotal observations, and personally). Have you dealt with any depression in your life? I'm genuinely curious.

John: Yes. I used to get depressed a lot, but not recently. I'm having a lot of fun these days.

(The DREAMLAND forum administrator asks) It strikes me that if they wanted implant information to come to light, they could do it totally anonymously via various methods. So I wonder if the exposure of the implant technology isn't the real goal, but rather trying to goad us to questioning who created them, what they are doing, or just the very existence of extra terrestrial life. Otherwise it would seem a pretty cumbersome way to convey technical knowledge. Thoughts?

Whitley Strieber replies: Their whole presence here seems, at least in part, to be about forcing us to face questions that we cannot bear and cannot answer. Burning questions that can't be put out! This greatly exercises the mind, for one thing.

Mike: Question to Whitley: I can't help but think (feel?) that the events surrounding "John" and his implant, you and Dr. Leir - were all somehow orchestrated. I mean, he sees a doctor about an implant in his foot, and Dr. Lear is a podiatrist doing implant research? Did this happen just so this story could come forward, in an intriguing way, with such tight fitting puzzle pieces. Does this make sense?

Whitley Strieber replies: The whole UFO-close encounter phenomenon is, to an extent, orchestrated, I think. It has a very 'on-stage' quality that induces intense questioning. What ARE these things in the sky? Why ARE people being abducted? What do implants do? Are they dangerous or not? It is intended to be this way, I feel sure.

(a DREAMLAND forum member asks) John, do you wish now that you'd left it in?

John: No, I was supposed to have it removed. They knew I would start an investigation, and wanted this information to come to light. They are entering a phase of their agenda where they want some publicity, so that those who are ready to accept them will know they are here.

          *       *       *

Let me add that I have a small straight razor like scar on the inside of my left nostril. It showed up about 2000 (I think) and I have no idea how I got it. That’s a story for another blog posting.

interviews on THE PARACAST

When I met David Biedny at a UFO conference in October of 2008, he interrupted me in mid-conversation and asked, “Do you wanna be a guest on the PARACAST?”

At first my inclination was to say, no way. But after a while, and some gentle prodding from David, I eventually said yes.

Critical thinker and my pal, David. 

I respect the tone of THE PARACAST immensely. The audio pod-cast show is long format (two full hours), with interviews that carefully look at paranormal subjects. David and his co-host Gene are an impressive pair and they don’t shy away from real-deal rigorous thinking. Sadly, this type of serious analysis is sorely lacking in a culture hooked-on entertainment.

My first time on the program was November 16, 2008. The first half of the show has an excellent interview with authentic Roswell witness, Dr. Jesse Marcel Jr., where he speaks about handling some of the materials from the fabled crash when he was a child. I spend the second hour of the show in conversation with Gene and Dave. This dialogue was well received by the listeners, and the on-line forum had really positive responses.

My second appearance on the show was in March of 2009. This time we recorded a full two hours of chatting, and I sound more than a little nervous.

The months of February and March of this year were really difficult for me. I was dealing with an intense bout of depression and anxiety. This dark emotional head-space is something that seems to show up in creative types, and people dealing with “these” sorts of life events. When you listen to this second interview, you can hear it in my voice, I am bogged down in confusing self-examination.

This second appearance created a heavy-handed sh*t-storm on the listener forums. It was interesting for me to read the long stream of comments, and I’m not all that sure why people reacted SO intensely. I think (maybe) they could hear my uneasiness, and they equated that to lying.

Some people really went off, and it ended up getting downright mean. It was curious, because some of the darker comments didn’t seem to truly describe me. I feel like I’m pretty self aware, and things got said that just didn’t ring true.

That said, some of the feedback was good for me to hear, and I’ll try to rein in my “tone” on some subjects.

But, because of that experience, I’m nervous posting these links, and I worry that I might nix this post from the blog in the near future.

Part ONE (one hour) November 16, 2008

Part TWO (two hours) March 22, 2009

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a shared pattern?

Over a year ago (February, 08) I was in Laughlin Nevada attending the annual UFO conference. At the time I was actively involved with the production of a documentary on the alien abduction phenomenon. My story and foggy memories are featured prominently in the footage. Alas, in the last year, the project has been on hold.

During the 8-day conference in Laughlin I sat and watched a presentation by Dolores Cannon, a researcher who uses hypnosis in her ongoing work with past-life regressions. I found her presentation quite intriguing, and I was bewildered by her findings. She has been receiving fascinating information through her hypnosis subjects. There has been on-going communications from, quite literally, alien spirits in other dimensions. She’s written a load of books featuring these communications.

Dolores Cannon is a past-life regressionist and hypnotherapist who specializes in the recovery and cataloging of lost knowledge.
She has been a UFO investigator for over twenty years.

Midway through her talk, she described a reoccurring theme in her research. She recounted a pattern with a specific set of similarities; men in their mid-40's who have had UFO encounters in the 1970's, have a depressive episode in their 30's and now they are coming forward with their stories in a very dramatic way.

I sat there in the audience and recognized the pattern. That was ME, and I knew it.

I fit the checklist. I was 45 at the time, I saw a very vivid UFO in the nighttime sky in 1974, and I had a missing time event, also in 1974. I spent my early 30's dealing with clinical depression - and I am involved in a documentary on the UFO abduction phenomenon, where I speak openly about my memories.

When I heard Dolores say that these men, “...are coming forward with their stories in a very dramatic way,” I felt my heart sink. My involvement with the documentary certainly seemed to fit the definition of dramatic.

After the presentation I went up to talk with Dolores at her book signing table. She is a very sweet grandmother character, and she was very easy to approach. I said hello, and then I asked her about that “pattern” of men she described during her presentation.

She was strangely dismissive, and she seemed to evade my question. This took me by surprise, and I pressed her a little bit, but her reaction made me uncomfortable. After that I backed away. I was embarrassed and I didn’t know why.

In the months that followed I was haunted by her statements during the presentation, and her odd reaction to my question. Something bugged me about it, and from that point on I kept a lookout for anyone who fit that pattern.

In October of that same year (2008) I went to another conference in New Jersey. It was put on by Jeremy Vaeni and a crew of East-coast experiencers called the CULTURE OF CONTACT.

During my time there I met David Biedny, one of the hosts of an excellent online audio podcast called THE PARACAST. I was a regular listener to the show, and I recognized David’s voice in the small crowd. We talked and shared some stories. I was very familiar with David’s paranormal experiences, because he had shared them on his show. I also guessed (from comments on the show) that we were about the same age. I told him about the Dolores Cannon presentation, and the “pattern” she described.

David was 46, the same age as me, he had a dramatic UFO sighting in Venezuela in 1974, he has a history of depression - and - he was coming forward in a dramatic way, by sharing his stories on his podcast.

I asked him when he got inspired to do the audio program.

He replied, “About two and a half years ago.”

That was the same as me, I was inspired to begin the documentary about two and a half years earlier. We both told curious stories about actual the genesis of our projects. It was strange, and I felt like we bonded in a really nice way.

A little while later at that same conference, we all went into the main theater to watch a documentary. The lights went down, and I sat in the dark for the next 90 minutes watching a very insightful overview of the UFO abduction phenomenon.

As the film unfolded I became more and more bewildered. This film was almost exactly the premise that I proposed for my documentary project. I had written a 2-page proposal that I gave to the producer in 2006 describing my vision for the film. Later, the producer convinced me to change the focus from the points in the proposal. He was adamant that the narrative of the film should focus on me - and my memories. (That’s a story for a future posting)

The documentary looked like it was created using the bulleted points from my 2006 proposal. Here is an excerpt from that document:

The vision of this project would be to avoid any temptation to present the people involved within the framework of a scary movie. The presentation should be serious and respectful to the subjects, they should tell their story in the full light of day. The narrative must unfold with the idea that something is happening, and to simply let people tell their story.

This was exactly the respectful tone in this excellent documentary. I was enormously impressed, and the film managed to include a lot of information that isn’t normally covered in the standard exploitative TV productions we see late at night on cable.

I’ll add that David Huggins gets interviewed in this movie.

The documentary ends and lights come up in the theater. I was shocked, it felt like a mere 15 minutes had elapsed, but the documentary was an hour and a half long.

I went into the lobby, and there was the film maker (I’ll call him Joe, not his real name) and I went right up to him. I feel like some of my social niceties had faded away, and after I introduced myself, I simply blurted out some questions.

I asked, “How old are you?”

Joe replied, “47.”

“Have you had any of your own experiences with this phenomenon?”

“Oh yes.”

“Any history of depression?”

“Yes.”

Right then, I felt like I had fallen down the rabbit hole.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Okay - I had just met two men, in the same room, who matched the “pattern” that Dolores Cannon described. (and yes, I know, it was at a UFO conference) But there was something nagging at me about that presentation in Laughlin, and what she said. It bugged me, and I needed an answer.

In January of this year (2009) I went on-line and found that I could easily order DVD’s of the presentations from the Laughlin UFO conferences. I put $19.95 on my credit card and a week later the disc arrived in my mailbox. I opened the envelope and put it in my DVD player and watched all 90 minutes of it. And then I watched it again.

And - She NEVER says it.

Huh? Okay, this wigged me out. She does NOT tell of the pattern I remember vividly her saying. She does described other patterns, but nothing that matches what I recalled.

Oh jeeez, what do I make of this?

The DVD is definitely the same presentation I sat through. As far as I can tell, no dialogue was edited out, and I recognized people in the audience that asked questions at the end. This was, most assuredly, from the exact same 2008 conference.

Am I insane? I asked myself that repeatedly. I’m still not sure how to answer that.

The story continues.

At this year’s 2009 Laughlin conference I met a fellow named “John Smith” (a pseudonym) and he was 48 years old, and he’s been dealing with ongoing abduction events, and he is the subject of a documentary. He told me, "I used to get depressed a lot." His story involves the surgical removal of an extremely strange implant by Dr. Roger Lear.

I'll add that he is a scientist working at the cutting edge of nano-technology, focusing on extremely tiny carbon-tubes. And the implant that was removed from his toe was shown to reveal advanced nano-carbon-tubes.

(click here for an excellent audio interview)

Later, after I started this blog, I began an e-mail dialogue (and a phone call) with fellow blogger Michael MacDonald. He’s 47, he directed a documentary on the alien abduction phenomenon in 2007, he began a blog in 2009, he’s experienced curios paranormal incidents and occasional bouts of mild depression. Okay, this is the WEIRDEST thing to me - Michael and myself started our BLOGs (before meeting each other) less than 24 hours apart! And, we both have beautiful Scottish last names.

I posted a story about the funny similarities between myself and Michael MacDonald, and less than 24 hours after that went on-line I received a comment from a fellow named Dave (a pseudonym).

His note to me starts with, “I must say I'm LITERALLY shaking from the synchronicity.”

Dave goes on to explain that he is 47 years old, he has started a documentary project on crop circle (and abduction) researcher Barbara Lamb, he’s beginning a pod-cast in 2009 interviewing abductees, he’s had on-going experiences that seems to imply some sort of abduction events, he has a history of depression - and - he has a beautiful Scottish last name.

Okay - I’m trying to keep this all clear, not just to you the reader, but to myself.

In less than a year I've met FIVE people, each under curious circumstances who fit that elusive Dolores Cannon checklist, a list that was plainly spoken in my imagination.

I clearly heard her, but she never said it.

Somehow this defined pattern entered my memory through a cute grandmother who channels information from alien spirits in other dimensions.

I share a bunch of other curious similarities with these five men. I feel like I should make up some sort of flow chart to try and quantify and list the weird overlapping of identical factors.

I recently told this (long winded) story to two pals in a tent in Alaska. At the end I asked, "Does this seem weird to you? Because it seems weird to me." They both treated me as ridiculous that I would even ask that question.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

* David - Age 46, began pod-casting about his experiences in 2007, he had a vivid UFO sighting in 1974, life-long experiencer of high-strangeness, history of depression.

* “Joe” - Age 47, directed a documentary on the alien abduction phenomenon in 2007, life-long experiencer, history of depression.

* Michael - Age 47, directed a documentary on the alien abduction phenomenon in 2007, began a paranormal focused blog in March 2009, life-long paranormal events, occasional mild depression. Beautiful Scottish last name.

* "Dave" - Age 47, began a documentary project on (alien abductee) Barbara Lamb in 2008, beginning a pod-cast in 2009 interviewing abductees, on-going contact events, history of depression. Beautiful Scottish last name.

* And, "John Smith" - Age 48, subject of a documentary project in 2008, on-going contact and abduction events, history of depression.

* Mike Clelland (myself) - Age 46, began a documentary on the alien abduction phenomenon in 2007, began a paranormal focused blog in March 2009, on-going paranormal events, a vivid UFO sighting in 1974, history of clinical depression. Beautiful Scottish last name.

Text added Jan 2013
I have been keeping an on-going list of people who fit this pattern. I really haven't been digging to find them, they just seem to appear as I proceed forward into other parts of my research. Presently, I am up to 44 people.

And, here is an essay (linked HERE) written by one someone born in 1962 and it involves meeting someone born in 1962.
__________________________________________________________

Text added Feb 23, 2013
This was originally posted on June 2, 2009. June 2nd reads as 6/2 or '62.

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chatting with David Huggins

I work for an outdoor school as an instructor, and I spend weeks (and sometime months) away from my desk.

I enjoy the time teaching in the mountains, and I’ve found that the weirdness factor in my life sort of evaporates when I’m out in the Wilderness.

When I returned from a winter ski expedition at the end of January (of this year, 2009) just a few minutes after arriving in my cabin, the phone rang and it was David Huggins.

David is a fellow I’ve never met, but we’ve had a bunch of delightful phone chats. He’s a lifelong experiencer, and he is also a passionate artist and many of his paintings are visual recreations of his strange encounters.

Oil painting by David Huggins attempting to describe his memories of strange encounters

I’ll add that he has been enormously supportive of my attempts to make sense of my experiences, and he has encouraged me to draw (or paint) my memories.

That phone call in late January was curious, coming just minutes after walking in my door. I'll add that the next two months were awash in ongoing weirdness and synchronicities. Actually, it was TOO much, and I was overwhelmed and sort of freaked-out.

Okay, lets fast forward to last night. I have been in Alaska for almost a month teaching for the same outdoor skills school. I had a wonderful time on a ski-mountaineering expedition in the Chugatch mountains with a great team. I arrived home, tired after almost 24 hours of traveling, and I lay down on the couch.

The thought occurred to me that the last time I came home from a big trip, David called, and maybe it would happen again. I drifted off to sleep, and after about an hour I woke from my nap and lay there feeling refreshed. Then the phone rang - and it was - as usual - David Huggins. It felt like he new I needed a nap before calling me.

And - as usual - we had a delightful chat, and he was supportive and encouraging.

[audio interview with David]