dialogue with "John Smith"

I’ve been in contact with five people. I’ve met all of them within the last year. All are between 46 and 48. Each have some odd life experiences, and some are, well - VERY odd. 

Of the people I’ve met, one goes by the name "John Smith." He is a materials scientist using a pseudonym to protect his identity at his work place. He had been having ongoing strange experiences that he's feels are some kind of program of alien abduction.

About John, a little over a year ago he found a small painful lump in his toe. He had conscious memories of a team of small gray aliens implanting the tiny object. He went to a podiatrist and requested an x-ray and asking for an opinion as to how to proceed. The person he went to was Dr. Roger Leir, who has been researching these extremely strange items for over a decade.

The object was eventually surgically removed with Dr. Leir assisting in the operating room. The tiny object was examined and the results were utterly bizarre. The lab report came back stating that the item was “meteoric” and upon closer examination, it was shown to contain carbon nano-tubes. 

John Smith is a scientist involved in the study and development of carbon nano-tubes.

These implants are a very strange part of an already very strange phenomenon. These are treated as quite dubious by a lot of researchers. I cannot even attempt to prove or disprove the conclusions of Dr. Leir. If his research is to be taken as genuinely legitimate, then we are dealing with a very strange mystery.

          *       *       * 

Just a few days ago, I was replying to an email from “John Smith” and while I was typing my cell phone rang. I answered, and it was him. I was working at an office, and I went outside so I wouldn’t need to worry about being guarded while talking in a room with other people.

I stood in the parking lot, and we talked for almost an hour.

He was articulating stuff that I feel at a deep level. He was just saying it out-loud, in a matter of fact tone.

I can’t do what he does, just SAY stuff. Instead, I’ll wrap any statement I make with words like “maybe” and “perhaps.” I just don’t trust myself enough to blurt out what I’m feeling. I don’t believe it in any kind of logical way, so I can’t say it.

He gently chided me on that, and said, if you know it’s so you really need to declare that, you are doing yourself a disservice by avoiding your truth. Easier said than done, for me anyway.

John makes some claims that are extremely challenging for me to believe, but - at some level - I find it’s the same thing I’m feeling. This is hard to articulate.

John and I met in person at a recent UFO conference. We had a few very intense conversations. We re-met in May through an on-line chat forum on Whitley Strieber's DREAMLAND web-site. After that we shared a bunch of emails, and I’ve assembled some of that dialog below. I’ve done a minimal amount of editing, mostly I’ve deleted anything too personal, and rearranged the order for clarity.

Mike C wrote: We met and talked at the UFO conference in Nevada in February. I’ve had a strange bit of weirdness, I've been meeting people our age (you and I are almost exactly the same age) with UFO experiences - AND - taking part in a documentary - AND - a history of depression.

John Smith replied: Hi Mike, I remember you! I'm glad you are getting your story out. I m not surprised we are the same age. There was a large "crop" of people like us in the early '60s, apparently.

Mike: When I came home from the conference in Nevada, I was in a state of deep anxiety. a weird (and unexplainable) compulsion (yes, that's the right word) to come forward with my story. I felt compelled to do something, it felt important (hard to articulate these feelings). And, like two days after getting home to Idaho - I started a BLOG where I share my experiences and memories.

John: Glad you started a Blog. That sort of thing is what the aliens want us to do these days. Yes, the main goal is the dissemination of the knowledge of the presence of extraterrestrials on Earth. They want publicity.

Mike: You spoke about a "crop" of people born in the 1960's, the implication is that there is a program (run by "them") of genetic alterations, that started back then. I've met a series of folks (you included) that seem to fit that "crop" and the checklist of similar life experiences is TOO much to be mere coincidence.

John: Yes, I have too. I seem to feel a connection to everyone I meet who is a fellow member. I think it is important that we help each other.

Mike: I've met a series of folks (you included) that seem to fit that "crop" and the checklist of similar life experiences is TOO much to be mere coincidence.

John: Yes, I have too. I seem to feel a connection to everyone I meet who is a fellow member. I think it is important that we help each other.

(a DREAMLAND forum member asks) John, what is the vintage of this "crop" that you and Mike are talking about?

John: 1955-1965

Mike: Have you met a bunch of these folks (this "crop")? Are you finding any kinship?

John: Yes, definitely. I felt a bond with you, and with all of the other people in the "crop". In my opinion, we have been genetically altered by the aliens. I have some proof of this from my own experiences.

Mike: What are your thoughts about this "crop" that seems to be emerging - right now.

John: Our crop seemed to have the function of shaking up human society with unconventional ideas, and to change the fossilized status quo. We are (mostly) highly intelligent, creative, somewhat psychic, suspicious of authority, attracted to unconventional pursuits, and have a somewhat rebellious nature.

         (Okay, it sure feels like he’s describing me)

Mike: Recently, I had a conversation with another fellow that seems to match this crop, and he and I pondered how similar our stories were. He’s been very vocal about his experiences, and he’s been sharing them publicly.

He said, (and I'm paraphrasing from memory) "My girlfriend asks me what I want out of this, what do I want back from sharing these stories. It's not that I expect anything back, I feel like I have no control about coming forward - I simply HAVE to do it."

John: We are told, telepathically, to do it by them. It is a compulsion, put into our minds.

Mike: That is EXACTLY how I feel! And I don't understand why.

         (This is the heart of my quandary. I worry about my sanity because of this oppressive feeling)

John: As I said, they want publicity, at this stage of their agenda.

Mike: There are enormous stresses with this stuff, true enough. But, at the same time, I think society is evolving in a way that speaking about these issues is not as "marginalizing" as it might have been a decade ago.

John: Yes, I think you're right. The more intelligent people among us are starting to accept this.

Mike: That said, it can still be VERY challenging.

John: Yes. There is still the potential for career and relationship damage, ridicule, and ... harassment if one speaks publicly about this subject. It is political dynamite.

Mike: After starting the BLOG, the weirdness MULTIPLIED. I'm not kidding, it's like the internet is a giant amplifier of synchronicities.

John: I agree. What kind of weirdness have you experienced? That synchronicity thing is alien involvement, all the way.

Mike: Huge thanks for being open with this stuff. As silly as it sounds, my sanity may depend on it. It feels important to share this stuff.

You speak of your experiences with a vast amount of insight, and knowledge. It goes way beyond simply saying: "I have some faint memories." (and that's where I'm at, just some fuzzy memories)

John: Thanks, I still need to remember a lot more, consciously, though. I began to get more conscious memories after starting hypnosis sessions. Have you tried it yet? I get a lot of unconscious memories, though, where I know I know things about the aliens and the phenomenon, and stuff that they have taught me, but often do not have conscious memories to go with the knowledge.

Mike: I have attempted hypnosis with four different hypnotherapists, and nothing has emerged. Mostly, I feel utterly blocked. I feel like the DVD player when the image gets frozen and I can't use the clicker to get past that one frame (in particular dealing with the ORANGE FLASH story).

John: You probably know some things they do not want talked about yet. I am mostly blocked from conscious memories, but not completely. If you ever do remember anything, don't be surprised if some of it disturbs you at first.

(a DREAMLAND forum member asks) Do abductees have higher rates of depression?

John: Yes, definitely. It causes all kinds of personal problems when you have a secret life, so totally unlike your normal one, which you only remember bits and pieces of.

Whitley Strieber replies to the same question: [About abductees having higher rates of depression] They almost have to. I know that, by about 1993, I was very seriously contemplating suicide, not because of the abductions but because of the way society had responded, calling me a liar, laughing at me, etc.

Mike: The depression aspect of this phenomenon is a very real pattern (from my anecdotal observations, and personally). Have you dealt with any depression in your life? I'm genuinely curious.

John: Yes. I used to get depressed a lot, but not recently. I'm having a lot of fun these days.

(The DREAMLAND forum administrator asks) It strikes me that if they wanted implant information to come to light, they could do it totally anonymously via various methods. So I wonder if the exposure of the implant technology isn't the real goal, but rather trying to goad us to questioning who created them, what they are doing, or just the very existence of extra terrestrial life. Otherwise it would seem a pretty cumbersome way to convey technical knowledge. Thoughts?

Whitley Strieber replies: Their whole presence here seems, at least in part, to be about forcing us to face questions that we cannot bear and cannot answer. Burning questions that can't be put out! This greatly exercises the mind, for one thing.

Mike: Question to Whitley: I can't help but think (feel?) that the events surrounding "John" and his implant, you and Dr. Leir - were all somehow orchestrated. I mean, he sees a doctor about an implant in his foot, and Dr. Lear is a podiatrist doing implant research? Did this happen just so this story could come forward, in an intriguing way, with such tight fitting puzzle pieces. Does this make sense?

Whitley Strieber replies: The whole UFO-close encounter phenomenon is, to an extent, orchestrated, I think. It has a very 'on-stage' quality that induces intense questioning. What ARE these things in the sky? Why ARE people being abducted? What do implants do? Are they dangerous or not? It is intended to be this way, I feel sure.

(a DREAMLAND forum member asks) John, do you wish now that you'd left it in?

John: No, I was supposed to have it removed. They knew I would start an investigation, and wanted this information to come to light. They are entering a phase of their agenda where they want some publicity, so that those who are ready to accept them will know they are here.

          *       *       *

Let me add that I have a small straight razor like scar on the inside of my left nostril. It showed up about 2000 (I think) and I have no idea how I got it. That’s a story for another blog posting.

interviews on THE PARACAST

When I met David Biedny at a UFO conference in October of 2008, he interrupted me in mid-conversation and asked, “Do you wanna be a guest on the PARACAST?”

At first my inclination was to say, no way. But after a while, and some gentle prodding from David, I eventually said yes.

Critical thinker and my pal, David. 

I respect the tone of THE PARACAST immensely. The audio pod-cast show is long format (two full hours), with interviews that carefully look at paranormal subjects. David and his co-host Gene are an impressive pair and they don’t shy away from real-deal rigorous thinking. Sadly, this type of serious analysis is sorely lacking in a culture hooked-on entertainment.

My first time on the program was November 16, 2008. The first half of the show has an excellent interview with authentic Roswell witness, Dr. Jesse Marcel Jr., where he speaks about handling some of the materials from the fabled crash when he was a child. I spend the second hour of the show in conversation with Gene and Dave. This dialogue was well received by the listeners, and the on-line forum had really positive responses.

My second appearance on the show was in March of 2009. This time we recorded a full two hours of chatting, and I sound more than a little nervous.

The months of February and March of this year were really difficult for me. I was dealing with an intense bout of depression and anxiety. This dark emotional head-space is something that seems to show up in creative types, and people dealing with “these” sorts of life events. When you listen to this second interview, you can hear it in my voice, I am bogged down in confusing self-examination.

This second appearance created a heavy-handed sh*t-storm on the listener forums. It was interesting for me to read the long stream of comments, and I’m not all that sure why people reacted SO intensely. I think (maybe) they could hear my uneasiness, and they equated that to lying.

Some people really went off, and it ended up getting downright mean. It was curious, because some of the darker comments didn’t seem to truly describe me. I feel like I’m pretty self aware, and things got said that just didn’t ring true.

That said, some of the feedback was good for me to hear, and I’ll try to rein in my “tone” on some subjects.

But, because of that experience, I’m nervous posting these links, and I worry that I might nix this post from the blog in the near future.

Part ONE (one hour) November 16, 2008

Part TWO (two hours) March 22, 2009

_________________________________________

a shared pattern?

Over a year ago (February, 08) I was in Laughlin Nevada attending the annual UFO conference. At the time I was actively involved with the production of a documentary on the alien abduction phenomenon. My story and foggy memories are featured prominently in the footage. Alas, in the last year, the project has been on hold.

During the 8-day conference in Laughlin I sat and watched a presentation by Dolores Cannon, a researcher who uses hypnosis in her ongoing work with past-life regressions. I found her presentation quite intriguing, and I was bewildered by her findings. She has been receiving fascinating information through her hypnosis subjects. There has been on-going communications from, quite literally, alien spirits in other dimensions. She’s written a load of books featuring these communications.

Dolores Cannon is a past-life regressionist and hypnotherapist who specializes in the recovery and cataloging of lost knowledge.
She has been a UFO investigator for over twenty years.

Midway through her talk, she described a reoccurring theme in her research. She recounted a pattern with a specific set of similarities; men in their mid-40's who have had UFO encounters in the 1970's, have a depressive episode in their 30's and now they are coming forward with their stories in a very dramatic way.

I sat there in the audience and recognized the pattern. That was ME, and I knew it.

I fit the checklist. I was 45 at the time, I saw a very vivid UFO in the nighttime sky in 1974, and I had a missing time event, also in 1974. I spent my early 30's dealing with clinical depression - and I am involved in a documentary on the UFO abduction phenomenon, where I speak openly about my memories.

When I heard Dolores say that these men, “...are coming forward with their stories in a very dramatic way,” I felt my heart sink. My involvement with the documentary certainly seemed to fit the definition of dramatic.

After the presentation I went up to talk with Dolores at her book signing table. She is a very sweet grandmother character, and she was very easy to approach. I said hello, and then I asked her about that “pattern” of men she described during her presentation.

She was strangely dismissive, and she seemed to evade my question. This took me by surprise, and I pressed her a little bit, but her reaction made me uncomfortable. After that I backed away. I was embarrassed and I didn’t know why.

In the months that followed I was haunted by her statements during the presentation, and her odd reaction to my question. Something bugged me about it, and from that point on I kept a lookout for anyone who fit that pattern.

In October of that same year (2008) I went to another conference in New Jersey. It was put on by Jeremy Vaeni and a crew of East-coast experiencers called the CULTURE OF CONTACT.

During my time there I met David Biedny, one of the hosts of an excellent online audio podcast called THE PARACAST. I was a regular listener to the show, and I recognized David’s voice in the small crowd. We talked and shared some stories. I was very familiar with David’s paranormal experiences, because he had shared them on his show. I also guessed (from comments on the show) that we were about the same age. I told him about the Dolores Cannon presentation, and the “pattern” she described.

David was 46, the same age as me, he had a dramatic UFO sighting in Venezuela in 1974, he has a history of depression - and - he was coming forward in a dramatic way, by sharing his stories on his podcast.

I asked him when he got inspired to do the audio program.

He replied, “About two and a half years ago.”

That was the same as me, I was inspired to begin the documentary about two and a half years earlier. We both told curious stories about actual the genesis of our projects. It was strange, and I felt like we bonded in a really nice way.

A little while later at that same conference, we all went into the main theater to watch a documentary. The lights went down, and I sat in the dark for the next 90 minutes watching a very insightful overview of the UFO abduction phenomenon.

As the film unfolded I became more and more bewildered. This film was almost exactly the premise that I proposed for my documentary project. I had written a 2-page proposal that I gave to the producer in 2006 describing my vision for the film. Later, the producer convinced me to change the focus from the points in the proposal. He was adamant that the narrative of the film should focus on me - and my memories. (That’s a story for a future posting)

The documentary looked like it was created using the bulleted points from my 2006 proposal. Here is an excerpt from that document:

The vision of this project would be to avoid any temptation to present the people involved within the framework of a scary movie. The presentation should be serious and respectful to the subjects, they should tell their story in the full light of day. The narrative must unfold with the idea that something is happening, and to simply let people tell their story.

This was exactly the respectful tone in this excellent documentary. I was enormously impressed, and the film managed to include a lot of information that isn’t normally covered in the standard exploitative TV productions we see late at night on cable.

I’ll add that David Huggins gets interviewed in this movie.

The documentary ends and lights come up in the theater. I was shocked, it felt like a mere 15 minutes had elapsed, but the documentary was an hour and a half long.

I went into the lobby, and there was the film maker (I’ll call him Joe, not his real name) and I went right up to him. I feel like some of my social niceties had faded away, and after I introduced myself, I simply blurted out some questions.

I asked, “How old are you?”

Joe replied, “47.”

“Have you had any of your own experiences with this phenomenon?”

“Oh yes.”

“Any history of depression?”

“Yes.”

Right then, I felt like I had fallen down the rabbit hole.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Okay - I had just met two men, in the same room, who matched the “pattern” that Dolores Cannon described. (and yes, I know, it was at a UFO conference) But there was something nagging at me about that presentation in Laughlin, and what she said. It bugged me, and I needed an answer.

In January of this year (2009) I went on-line and found that I could easily order DVD’s of the presentations from the Laughlin UFO conferences. I put $19.95 on my credit card and a week later the disc arrived in my mailbox. I opened the envelope and put it in my DVD player and watched all 90 minutes of it. And then I watched it again.

And - She NEVER says it.

Huh? Okay, this wigged me out. She does NOT tell of the pattern I remember vividly her saying. She does described other patterns, but nothing that matches what I recalled.

Oh jeeez, what do I make of this?

The DVD is definitely the same presentation I sat through. As far as I can tell, no dialogue was edited out, and I recognized people in the audience that asked questions at the end. This was, most assuredly, from the exact same 2008 conference.

Am I insane? I asked myself that repeatedly. I’m still not sure how to answer that.

The story continues.

At this year’s 2009 Laughlin conference I met a fellow named “John Smith” (a pseudonym) and he was 48 years old, and he’s been dealing with ongoing abduction events, and he is the subject of a documentary. He told me, "I used to get depressed a lot." His story involves the surgical removal of an extremely strange implant by Dr. Roger Lear.

I'll add that he is a scientist working at the cutting edge of nano-technology, focusing on extremely tiny carbon-tubes. And the implant that was removed from his toe was shown to reveal advanced nano-carbon-tubes.

(click here for an excellent audio interview)

Later, after I started this blog, I began an e-mail dialogue (and a phone call) with fellow blogger Michael MacDonald. He’s 47, he directed a documentary on the alien abduction phenomenon in 2007, he began a blog in 2009, he’s experienced curios paranormal incidents and occasional bouts of mild depression. Okay, this is the WEIRDEST thing to me - Michael and myself started our BLOGs (before meeting each other) less than 24 hours apart! And, we both have beautiful Scottish last names.

I posted a story about the funny similarities between myself and Michael MacDonald, and less than 24 hours after that went on-line I received a comment from a fellow named Dave (a pseudonym).

His note to me starts with, “I must say I'm LITERALLY shaking from the synchronicity.”

Dave goes on to explain that he is 47 years old, he has started a documentary project on crop circle (and abduction) researcher Barbara Lamb, he’s beginning a pod-cast in 2009 interviewing abductees, he’s had on-going experiences that seems to imply some sort of abduction events, he has a history of depression - and - he has a beautiful Scottish last name.

Okay - I’m trying to keep this all clear, not just to you the reader, but to myself.

In less than a year I've met FIVE people, each under curious circumstances who fit that elusive Dolores Cannon checklist, a list that was plainly spoken in my imagination.

I clearly heard her, but she never said it.

Somehow this defined pattern entered my memory through a cute grandmother who channels information from alien spirits in other dimensions.

I share a bunch of other curious similarities with these five men. I feel like I should make up some sort of flow chart to try and quantify and list the weird overlapping of identical factors.

I recently told this (long winded) story to two pals in a tent in Alaska. At the end I asked, "Does this seem weird to you? Because it seems weird to me." They both treated me as ridiculous that I would even ask that question.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

* David - Age 46, began pod-casting about his experiences in 2007, he had a vivid UFO sighting in 1974, life-long experiencer of high-strangeness, history of depression.

* “Joe” - Age 47, directed a documentary on the alien abduction phenomenon in 2007, life-long experiencer, history of depression.

* Michael - Age 47, directed a documentary on the alien abduction phenomenon in 2007, began a paranormal focused blog in March 2009, life-long paranormal events, occasional mild depression. Beautiful Scottish last name.

* "Dave" - Age 47, began a documentary project on (alien abductee) Barbara Lamb in 2008, beginning a pod-cast in 2009 interviewing abductees, on-going contact events, history of depression. Beautiful Scottish last name.

* And, "John Smith" - Age 48, subject of a documentary project in 2008, on-going contact and abduction events, history of depression.

* Mike Clelland (myself) - Age 46, began a documentary on the alien abduction phenomenon in 2007, began a paranormal focused blog in March 2009, on-going paranormal events, a vivid UFO sighting in 1974, history of clinical depression. Beautiful Scottish last name.

Text added Jan 2013
I have been keeping an on-going list of people who fit this pattern. I really haven't been digging to find them, they just seem to appear as I proceed forward into other parts of my research. Presently, I am up to 44 people.

And, here is an essay (linked HERE) written by one someone born in 1962 and it involves meeting someone born in 1962.
__________________________________________________________

Text added Feb 23, 2013
This was originally posted on June 2, 2009. June 2nd reads as 6/2 or '62.

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chatting with David Huggins

I work for an outdoor school as an instructor, and I spend weeks (and sometime months) away from my desk.

I enjoy the time teaching in the mountains, and I’ve found that the weirdness factor in my life sort of evaporates when I’m out in the Wilderness.

When I returned from a winter ski expedition at the end of January (of this year, 2009) just a few minutes after arriving in my cabin, the phone rang and it was David Huggins.

David is a fellow I’ve never met, but we’ve had a bunch of delightful phone chats. He’s a lifelong experiencer, and he is also a passionate artist and many of his paintings are visual recreations of his strange encounters.

Oil painting by David Huggins attempting to describe his memories of strange encounters

I’ll add that he has been enormously supportive of my attempts to make sense of my experiences, and he has encouraged me to draw (or paint) my memories.

That phone call in late January was curious, coming just minutes after walking in my door. I'll add that the next two months were awash in ongoing weirdness and synchronicities. Actually, it was TOO much, and I was overwhelmed and sort of freaked-out.

Okay, lets fast forward to last night. I have been in Alaska for almost a month teaching for the same outdoor skills school. I had a wonderful time on a ski-mountaineering expedition in the Chugatch mountains with a great team. I arrived home, tired after almost 24 hours of traveling, and I lay down on the couch.

The thought occurred to me that the last time I came home from a big trip, David called, and maybe it would happen again. I drifted off to sleep, and after about an hour I woke from my nap and lay there feeling refreshed. Then the phone rang - and it was - as usual - David Huggins. It felt like he new I needed a nap before calling me.

And - as usual - we had a delightful chat, and he was supportive and encouraging.

[audio interview with David]

cloud circles

I've be doing these curious dueling posts with my sister blogger, Stace. This morning I saw that she had written a very strange personal experience. A story of asking the universe a question, and getting a reply.

Cloud Circles: Telegrams from a Conscious Cosmos

[excerpt]

Then our attention was drawn up to a scene that astonished us, despite our sensibility. There in the sky was, beyond any doubt, an intelligent manifestation of the extramundane reality we’d just been discussing. A definitive “cloud circle” stretched across the entire visible sky above us, painted in cotton ball clouds the warm hue of reflected city lights against the pitch black canvas of deep space ... Plainly depicted was an Elder of one of the Americas’ native tribes ... somehow also the embodiment of the Grandfather Sky archetype.

________________________________________________________

the shiny red balloon

The shiny red balloon, 14 months later. It lives safely in my sock drawer.

I met a woman at a Starbucks in the lobby of a tacky casino in Laughlin Nevada. We sat together and drank coffee on one of the first mornings of an eight day UFO conference. She is from Germany and her name is Natascha. We got along wonderfully and talked about the strange scene here at the conference. This happened a few mornings in a row, and soon we were sitting together during the presentations, and by the end of the conference, we were spending almost all of our time together.

Up until this conference, Natascha had almost no interest in the UFO phenomenon. How she ended up in Nevada is a curious story, she was told by an astrologer to travel from Germany all the way to Las Vegas to attend this eight day event, so she did. It proved to be the start of new chapter of her life. She realized that, somehow, this subject was important.

On the final day, after the conference had officially ended, she was planning to take a shuttle van to the Las Vegas airport for her flight home. I said I would drive her, it was no problem. We spent our final time in the casino at the same Starbucks, saying goodbye to friends we had met. It was late in the morning when morning we got in my little Subaru and started the drive North.

The highway out of Laughlin is though the desert, and it’s bleak and empty. This created a surreal mood after being cooped up in the casino for over a week. Natascha had her iPod, and she played me some music from two of her friends in Germany. It was a haunting series of tones created by a man rubbing crystal bowls and a woman singing. Less than a year later I had dinner with this same couple - but that’s another story.

We talked and tried to make sense of the of our time together at the conference. It was about an hour drive before we arrived in Las Vegas. It was actually a sad time in the car, because we had become quite close.

We were both hungry, and there was plenty of time before the flight and we were eager to find someplace to eat. We are both rather health conscious vegetarians, and the food at the casino was dreadful, and now we were heading into the outskirts of Las Vegas, and I was doubtful we would find anything that would fit our needs.

But, we passed a WHOLE FOODS grocery store, I made a U-turn and we doubled back, and within a few minutes we were pulling into the parking lot of the strip mall. I found a space for my car, and eased in. Natascha was on the passenger side, and she got out and stood up. I was on the drivers side, and I got out.

I looked across the roof of the car and saw that Natascha was standing there, with a curious expression on her face, and she was holding a shiny red balloon. I walked around to her side of the car and she seemed a little perplexed. She handed me the balloon, it was heart shaped with the words I LOVE YOU on it. I was confused, she definitely did not have the balloon in the car during the drive, so I didn't understand where it came from.

I gently set it in the car, closed the door, and we went into the grocery store together.

We never mentioned the balloon.

Our lunch together was very nice, we ate salad and fruit in the deli. She also got some food for the flight home (mostly chocolate) and I got some food for my long drive back to Idaho (mostly chocolate).

We went to the airport, and I walked her up to the security gate and we said good-bye. It was an emotional farewell and there were some tears. I walked out of the airport feeling sad and confused.

And then I spent the next 16 hours driving, with a shiny red balloon on the passenger seat, with the words I LOVE YOU staring up at me.

I got home and with in the first day or so I called her on Skype. Early in the conversation I asked: “Natascha, where did that balloon come from?”

She paused and then said, “I don’t know.”

We were both perplexed, and I pressed her on it.

She finally said, “I’m not sure, but I think it was just there when I opened the door of the car and I picked it up.”

I met Natascha over a year ago, in February of 2008. Since she has been back in Germany, we have talked almost weekly (and sometimes daily) either on the phone or thru Skype. These conversations have a way of getting very deep, in a way that seems to help me - a lot. I don’t quite know what to make of our intense relationship.

I feel like I’ve met a true soul mate.

fireball

view out my south window

In February of this year, I was in my cabin getting ready for bed. I was walking around the house shutting the lights off, and I passed by a big window facing south. As I looked outside, I saw a very bright orange ball of flame streak downward to the horizon. It only lasted a second, and it was very distinct in the night sky. I'll add that it looked sort of cartoony, like a perfect fireball with a long tail of flames.

I didn't think much of it. I was in my house, so I have no idea if it made any sound. It looked like it was way off in the distance, over the mountains to the south. It looked like a completely natural event.

I'll add that I had a curious feeling that I had seen this same thing before. I calmly thought, "Oh, this again."

I turned off the lights and went to bed.

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Text added on Feb 9th 2012:

I just realized that looking out this window to the south would line up right around the star Sirius. Whatever that might mean.

the view to the south from my cabin in Mid-February 2009

Text added on Oct 28th 2014:
This post has had more hits than any othe post on this site—ever! I am not exactly sure why, except that there has been an increase of fireball sightings (similar to what I saw in Feb. of 2009) and perhaps people are searching out the word fireball. If anyone around the world googles that word, this post (with it's one word headline) would probably show up. So, it might be nothing more that that.

The image above is from a cool site called Planetarium.

Also, this post has been VERY popular...

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streetlights

Last week I was in Bozeman Montana. I was on my bike riding through the cute streets of the downtown neighborhoods. It was nighttime and snowing, and it was really pretty. As I rode, I calmly thought to myself, “Nothing strange has happened in a little while, has this weird part of my life ended?”

And, at that exact instant, the streetlight directly above me shut off.

Ha! I laughed out loud. It was funnier than it was weird. I tried to ride past some other streetlights to see if it would happen again (it didn't).

I’ve experienced this occasionally over the years, where street lights will turn off as I approach them, but it’s been inconsistent, so I don’t really consider it strange. But that night, riding my bike in the wet snow, it felt different. It felt like I asked a question - and I got an instantaneous reply.

The question was just a playful nice thought, nothing needy or pleading, and this seems to be a pattern for me. Simple questions that just pop into my head are somehow more relevant.

ALSO: I have another nice thought event with the same street-light response.

[Text added: May 1st, 2009]

A mutual blogger named Stace (one of my sister blogs) just posted an insightful essay on her streetlight experiences.

Singing the Body Electric

- Human Force Fields and The Streetlight Effect

{an excerpt}

I’ve thought about “the streetlight effect” quite a lot, because the phenomenon of knocking out streetlights happens around me quite a bit. These events are also episodic to a degree, typically clustered around times when I perceive my quantum vibration to be intensely high, whether I’m relaxed or excited.

Based on how I feel energetically, I can generally predict whether or not I’ll be knocking out streetlights on a given night. If I’m driving home from an intriguing lecture or have just been involved in a fractalising conversation, or if I’m just thinking, thinking, thinking and making new connections - that’s when I’m more likely to affect streetlights.

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seeing a white Lion in rural Idaho

During the spring of 2005 myself and my friend Ned were spending part of the afternoon at an outcropping of small boulders near my home in rural Idaho. We were practicing and traversing on theses rocks as a way to get in shape for the upcoming summer climbing season. The spot is quite lovely. The long row of boulders were on a small hill above a dirt road, with sweeping views of the snow covered peaks of Wyoming in the distance. The long winter had ended, the sunshine was warm and everything smelled of sage.

The act of traversing on these steep rock formations proved to be quite a wake up call, both of us were surprised at how weak and sore we were after only about a half hour of bouldering.

We sat on a big flat rock above the road and lamented our exhausted forearms.

I remember quite clearly saying, “I need to get strong. This is the summer for it.” And Ned agreed.

Then - I saw what I thought was a dog on the dirt road below us. It was a ways off, and there was something odd about it.

I said, “There’s somebody’s dog.”

It took only a moment to realize that it’s slow lanky stride looked more like the way my cat walked. Within seconds, both of us knew this was no dog, this was a Mountain Lion.

We watched silently as the Lion walked along the road below us. It never saw us. We were transfixed as the cat calmly plodded past us. We watched it for about 10 minutes. It was rather small, no bigger than an adult golden retriever. It was almost completely white, except for a black spot on the tip of it’s long tail, and the distinctive dark “tear stains” under it’s eyes.

We sat in silent amazement, as it past us maybe less than 30 feet away.

It continued unhurried along the road for a few more minutes, and eventually it calmly stepped off the road, and walked leisurely into the tall grass and trees, and we lost sight of it.

This was quite a sighting.

People live out west their whole lives and never catch a glimpse of a Lion, and we were fortunate to have an astounding sighting, close up on a beautiful day.

The feeling was sort of magical, and I felt enormously fortunate. When I got home I wrote up a short email about the experience and sent it off to hand full of friends.

I got a reply from an email pal in New Zealand named Ivan. He scanned a page from a book on spirit animals and sent it to me. I’ll add that Ivan is an amazing fellow, he’s written two books that he claims are channeled directly from God. The text of the scanned page explained that, “seeing a Lion is an important sign that it is time to get strong.”

My first impression was that this meant some kind of spiritual strength, and it was a few days later that I realized that both myself and Ned were telling each other that: “We need to get strong” at the EXACT moment we saw the Lion.

[added text, april 21/09]

I was recently asked a question in a comment :

"Looking in retrospect, did something happen during that year or these last 4 years that proved this announce to 'get strong' to be a sage warning?"

That was a good question.

I hadn't ever thought about it, but the events of my life seemed to change direction sometime around 2005. This would have been exactly four years ago, and it was about that time that I began to focus more on paranormal stuff, as far as reading and studying for myself. These years have been an evolution of sorts, with some bold jumps forward. The last two years have been really hard for me, with a lot of personal challenges.

Perhaps this was a "sage warning" for me.

image from the original STAR TREK

This creepy image was at the end of every STAR TREK episode as the credits rolled. As a little kid, it always scared me.

comrades

The blogisphere confounds and impresses me, and here's another example.

As a follow up to my previous post about my two sister blogs, I’ve found my brother blog, PARANORMAL MUSINGS, created by Canadian film maker Michael MacDonald. Both our blogs are focused on weird paranormal stuff, much of it personal.

We’ve commented on each others posts, e-mailed, and even spoken on the phone since meeting through our blogs, with the initial conjoint link being Mac Tonnies and his blog POSTHUMAN BLUES. Michael found my blog (and made a comment) on March 10th, one week after my first posting.

There are a bunch of curious similarities between Michael and myself. And I don’t know what else to do but list 'em, so here goes:

* We are both named Michael.

* We both have (beautiful) Scottish last names.

* I am 46 and he is 47.

* My list of labels on this blog have both "paranormal" and "musings" as a quick link to the posts.

* Both of us are involved with a documentary project on the subject of UFO abduction phenomenon. His film INTRUDERS, is completed but mine (alas) is on hold. We were working on them at the same time. We’ve each interviewed Budd Hopkins, Dave Jacobs and Leo Sprinkle. When he described his film during our phone conversation, I started laughing.

* We both are big fans of Mac Tonnies.

* We are both cat people.

* We are both creative types (and we’ve both worked on a lot of TV commercials).

* We both have curious memories, and we are blogging and sharing our odd personal stories in a very public way.

* And - His blog was started on March 2nd of this year, and I started my blog March 3rd, the very next day.

Am I reading too much into this? I can’t help it, these similarities fascinate me.

Michael MacDonald actually commented on my posting

The Neuron-like Nature of the Internet, as I was adding his picture to this post.

He wrote: Interesting, as I was reading along it made me think of my Ackerman 000 experience, and you actually posted an excerpt. I think the internet in its vast and complex interconnectedness becomes the equivalent of a web-based-style of quantum slit test. In a similar fashion I have often wondered whether systems on the edge of stability, such as an electric light bulb about to burn out, are primed for influence by entities such as ghosts, spirits, and even aliens, if they do exist in the paranormal realm as we suspect.

two sister blogs

I’ve been utterly intrigued by two other blogs, both curiously similar to this one. The first is called Postreason and the postings are by a woman going by the name Kartott.

The second is Inter-Intelligence Communications (IIC), with postings by a woman named Stace.

Postreason started in February of ‘09 (25 days before I stated this blog). IIC started in November of ‘08. Mine was the most recent, with the first post in early March. I found their blogs only after starting mine.

Why did these writers (myself included) create these very public websites?

In a recent blog posting on Postreason, Kartott wrote:

About 1- 2 years ago ... I found I had the time and space to revisit old personal history, events and experiences that I had wondered about for years, but had put on the back burner in order to carry out my ordinary daily life. I began my exploration by joining Dreamland last year, participating in the chat sessions on that site. ... I joined the Paracast board last year, but did not post much until recently. Mike Clelland's recent posts there frankly gave me the courage to come forward more publicly (thanks Mike!), though I still have this weird feeling of wanting to run an hide every time I talk about this. Yet I feel a strong compulsion that its time to do this. I feel I must get my stories out whether written or visual. This is largely a selfish act, something I need to do for me.

And in a follow up comment Kartott added:

... More recently I have been feeling a sense of urgency regarding some visual imagery that I want to get out of my system. The stories are almost secondary at this point. ... However, in posting recent imagery (specifically, the cigarette lady) I felt it necessary to describe the particulars (i.e., the words). And in doing so, it seems I got even more questions about other events (oy)...

And there is a curiously similar tone from the author of the other blog. Stace wrote about her inspiration to begin blogging in a personal email:

As for IIC (Inter-Intelligence Communications blog), for ages I've felt a need to share my experiences that indicate a deeper level of reality than most people realize is interwoven with the mundane stuff. I've been more or less driven to tell my stories... and I also feel that by writing and posting my experiences, those that are "ready for" or "needing" or just "interested in" what I have to say will find it and get something out of it.

My need to develop IIC became more urgent in the past year, so when ... [I] set it up in November, it was like "WOW!" - a whole new world of possibility opened up, and I jumped right in!

When I review the words of these two bloggers, I am struck by the similar emotions. There’s a pattern in their explanations, there’s a repeating of words and phrases like: need, urgent, strong compulsion, I've felt a need to share my experiences, I've been more or less driven to tell my stories, sense of urgency, I want to get it out of my system.

Kartott stated is perfectly in six words, "I must get my stories out."

I feel the exact same way, and I don't quite understand why.

A few weeks ago I had a long talk with Stace on the phone. She made a real-deal effort to try and describe what she was feeling. She wanted to find the perfect word, and she actually got the dictionary out and looked up COMPELLED and IMPELLED in the hopes of better defining this feeling. We agreed that both words seemed accurate.

She said that what she was feeling was coming from outside of her. She was COMPELLED to come forward and share her story.

This matched what I am feeling - exactly. Especially right now.

I look at my blog, with all it’s strange (and very personal) stories, and the logical side of my brain says: “I must be crazy, I should delete all of this.” But I don’t. Some other part of me wins out, and instead, I add to it.

Recently, I had a psychic reading (and I wrote about it) from a woman and the first thing she tells me is, “You need to be journaling.”

To make all this even more mixed up, Stace plays an important role in one of my postings about visiting a crop circle, dated March 5th. She respond to me and says she just posted a story about her experiences in that same formation on March 3rd, two days before.

And just a little while ago, I was the focus of a bunch of internet forum postings questioning my honesty, and some of it was pretty negative. Kartott sent me a supportive personal message saying: “Hang in there.”

When I checked her site, I saw - to my surprise - that she had thanked me, she said I gave her courage. Right at that moment, I was in a very low mood, I felt really discouraged. And when she thanked me, I instantly felt SO good. I got kinda sappy and emotional.

And, Kartott writes about owls, and Stace writes about synchronicities. There's more, and I'll post it soon.

Why do the words of these two women resonate so deeply with me? They both articulate a sense of urgency, and I feel it too.

Should I try and describe what I’m feeling? I don’t know if I can. Both these women are saying it for me, better than I could. But what is it?

* * *

QUESTION: Is there anyone else out there feeling the same thing? Are there any other folks blogging for similar mysterious reasons?

(PLEASE NOTE: any editing by me of other postings and emails is indicated by using ... in the text)

neuron-like nature of the internet

I experienced a tiny little dose of the divine in a coffee shop in Moab Utah.

The other night I slept out in the desert under the stars. I was a few miles outside of Moab along a lovely stretch of high-way that runs parallel to the Colorado River.

Sometimes when I sleep outside I'll experience the most vivid dreams, and recently I've tried to encourage some extra message from the great beyond as I sleep. So, as I zipped up my sleeping bag below the sandstone cliffs, I asked the universe to give me an insight, I was receptive. Alas, I woke up without any dreams.

Later that morning, I drove back into town for coffee, and I pull out my laptop. I wanted to look up MOAB for any mythic significance, so I go to Wikipedia, a resource I rarely use. I log on and the featured article of the day on was about high-way 128 in Utah, where I slept the night before.

That was odd...

Now, this coincidence is curious, true enough. It obviously made me take note. In the previous days I had been composing a blog-post in my head about on the neuron-like nature of the internet and the possibility that it might be developing it’s own self awareness. And then I get a very curious cyber-synchronicity linked to where I slept, and where I asked for an insight.

Are we witnessing the internet form a new kind of collective consciousness? There is now a global expanse of electronic brain neurons running everywhere, in the air, into space and into the psyche of individuals. It's all emerging from an unfamiliar digital zeitgeist.

Is there an evolving giant life form of synaptic fibers emerging within cyberspace? Is it a new set of neurotransmitters, allowing and encouraging an alternative web of synchronistic happenings?

I recently tried (and succeeded) to poach a wireless signal at a friends apartment in Brooklyn. I was amazed to see a ridiculously long list of available internet connections, it was bizarre.

This is a new chapter of human history, nothing like this has EVER happened before. We are surrounded by a swirling electo-magnetic soup, with wi-fi portals, cell-phone towers and satellites in space. I am somehow forced to imagine billions of devout monks all chanting together, resonating collectively.

What is unfolding?

There is a perceivable significance in a shuffled deck of Tarot cards. And the I Ching is regarded as a system of divination within a random set of set of 64 abstract line arrangements.

Why is the internet any different?

Here’s a little bit more:

Below is an excerpt from PARANORMAL MUSINGS:
This is no joke. Today Ian and I went to Forrest Lawn Cemetery to pay our respects to Forry Ackerman, who died Dec. 4.

Next we ... arrived at our hotel. When I sat down and logged into the computer, Facebook required the typical security typographical entry before letting me see my mail. To my total astonishment, the words I was prompted to type were, "Ackerman 000" I kid you not.

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Text added Sept.  2nd 2012

Just so y'know, highway 128 shows up again in a very curious set of events, described in this post HERE. The experiences described by 'Artimesia' happened just a few miles from where I slept in the post above.

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deep feelings and blogging

This blog has been a very curious thing for me. It’s a nervy way to share some extremely personal stuff.

I recently had a psychic reading from a women named Marisa Ryan who claims to communicate with dead relatives, spirit guides and aliens. Yes, I know how goofy this sounds. The fact that I did this, and actually took it seriously, says a lot about my state of mind these days. This is exactly the kind of flighty thing I would have dismissed with contempt just a few years ago.

Am I really that needy, where I’ll seek out something as silly as a psychic, and an expensive one at that? Maybe I am, because I eagerly pursued this reading.

She told me a bunch of stuff, and a lot of it seemed to resonate with me as true.

Below is a (slightly edited) excerpt of her reading.


Marisa:

I’m being told that you are supposed to be journaling all the experiences . . .

(Mike laughs out loud)

. . . and if that means going back to the very first memory you have, you need to be journaling. It’s almost like, I feel like, it’s important for you to re-experience them . . . What was your mood that you can remember? And then what was your experience, and just completely describe every bit of it. And how did you feel at that time, meaning was there any communication, did you have anxiety, did you have fear, did you love it, did you feel at peace. Every little thing that you can sense, use all your senses. Did you smell anything? Did you see anything, did you hear anything? Write it all down. And then write down how do you feel about that now. And you are supposed to go through each experience.

I’m being told that you are going to write a book, if you haven’t started already.

(Mike laughs)

It’s not necessarily for education purposed, it’s just because there are more and more people waking up that have had these experiences, like you, and they feel like they are crazy, or like they are nuts, and even though there are millions of cases out there, there are still new people waking up that are saying I don’t believe in this, or why is this happening to me - and you will bring peace to them.

One of the first thing she said to me, and she repeated it over and over was: “you are supposed to be journaling.”

Right at that time, I was compulsivly writing, and posting things on this blog. She didn’t know anything about my weird commitment to journaling. There is a lot of stuff backlogged, and if I’m brave enough, those stories will make there way out into this very public forum.

A few days later I spoke with a close friend in Germany, and she had been reading my blog. She has shown herself to be quite a skilled intuitive and I trust her insights. I was proud of my boldness at posting my stories. I expected some praise, but she was very quick to point out that I was being too superficial. She told me my text was void of sentiment, that I wasn’t sharing enough about what I was feeling, about the deeper emotions. She told me, in essence, exactly what Marisa had told me (above).

I feel like I’ve taken a bold plunge into the deep end of the pool, and now the psychics are telling me to go deeper.

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